


Catching Up

by EchoFour



Series: Hybridization [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/M, Minor Violence, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Self-Esteem Issues, Transhumanism, hybrid Connie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-14
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-10-18 01:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 39,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20630912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EchoFour/pseuds/EchoFour
Summary: After a couple of rogue gems put her life at risk, Connie questions everything. She's loved being a Crystal Gem for four years. Training and fighting at Steven's side give her whole life meaning. But as Steven has learned more about the power he possesses and grasped more of it for his own, she's worried she can't keep up.But Connie Maheswaran has never been the kind of person to give up just because of a little thing like human limits. Whatever it takes, whatever she has to risk, she will find a way to catch up.





	1. Falling

“...So then Peridot said ‘You’re just in time for the end of the world!’” Steven pinched his nose together to make his voice more Peridotty, and Connie laughed as Steven started to chuckle and cough.  
  
“That sounds like her. Always room for snark no matter the situation. Need another water?” Connie held out a bottle to him with a smile.

“Like you wouldn’t believe.” He took it and tapped it against hers with a grin. “Clink!” He took another long drink, and leaned back with a sigh.

They were sitting together on the beach outside Steven’s home, bathed in a soft pink glow from the excess poison still left to clean up. Steven was enjoying a short break before he got back to kissing away the leftover taint of the poison and Connie was eager to get caught up with what had happened before she had to return to Space Camp.

“So what did you do next?” Connie asked.  
  
“Well, I didn’t want to wait, so I figured I’d try to pick up the drill.”  
  
Connie snorted and fell over laughing. “You _ didn’t! _ ”  
  
He laughed a little with her, happy just to hear her laugh. “Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time! It’s hard to remember your powers don’t work until you have to use them.”  
  
She sat back up, brushing sand from her hair as she tried to fight off giggles. “But the injector was the size of an office building!”  
  
He brushed it off. “P’shaw. Wouldn’t have been any problem for these guns.” He flexed a little, and Connie covered her mouth to keep in another giggle. “I was lifting it fine until my gem power gave out, but then jostling it just made it worse!”  
  
Connie blinked, sure she had misheard. “You… you lifted it? The whole drill?”

“Well, only like a couple of feet.” He held his hands apart, trying to measure the distance.  
  
“But it was the size of an office building!” She started doing math in her head. “And it was full of enough liquid poison to kill the _ Earth! _ It must’ve weighed thousands of tons!”

“Well, it wasn’t _ easy _ to lift,” he teased. “Anyway…”

Steven continued his story while Connie looked down at her hands, trying to imagine what that kind of strength must feel like. Eventually he noticed, and she awkwardly laughed and asked him to tell her again. But even when she was looking at him, listening and responding and laughing, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Even when she kissed his cheek goodbye before mounting Lion, the sight of him blushing again didn’t clear her mind.

She just couldn’t get it out of her head.

# Catching Up

Connie’s heart pounded, sweat pouring down her face as she ran next to Steven. He barely seemed fazed in comparison, and yet he was the one bellyaching as they ran. “How many more laps of Little Homeworld?” He groaned.

“Just one more,” she panted between steps. The path around the gem community was well-kept and new, and she was glad that there weren’t many tourists here to gawk and clog up the path this time of year. It was hard enough to run a 5k every day without dodging people.

“Are you sure I need to do this?” He asked for the hundredth time. “I really don’t think the cardio is helping me much.”  
  
“You are human in every way until proven otherwise,” she huffed in reply. “And humans who want to live a long time require cardio.”

“It doesn’t seem like I’m getting much out of it,” he grumbled.

The question of Steven’s actual biology was definitely not as cut-and-dry as she pretended. He was obviously something more than human, even the parts of him that seemed mostly human. Connie really didn’t have a lot of proof that he needed the exercise. But better safe than sorry. In any case, she had a backup motivational strategy that hadn’t failed yet.  
  
“You’re getting my company,” she said with a bright smile. “Isn’t that enough reason?”

Steven mumbled something she couldn’t quite make out, but his smile and the way he picked up his pace a little were enough of a response.

It had been Connie who had recommended that all of the Crystal Gems start doing regular training after the Spinel incident a year ago showed how much their skills had atrophied. Steven had been happy to agree at the time. Right up until she had revealed her weekly exercise plan for the both of them and he realized how much of it was working out instead of combat or fusion practice.

“How do you even have time for this?” He asked as they rounded the final curve and the finish line came into sight.  
  
“I never stop moving!” She laughed as she sprinted ahead, leaving him behind her as she flew past the ramp leading up into the gem settlement. She stopped, hands on her knees as she caught her breath.

“Seriously, though.” He started ticking off on his fingers as he caught up, completely unaffected by the run. “College classes, school, exercise, two kinds of training…”  
  
“Don’t forget the gem studies with Peridot!” Connie puffed up a little, proud of her attempts to understand the seemingly magical (and often _ actually _ magical) wonders of gem technology.  
  
“I didn’t forget.” He chuckled. “But that’s a megaton of stuff! When do you find time to sleep?”  
  
“Weekends, mostly. But only two weeks until school is out!” She giggled with him.

But on the inside, Connie worried. She didn’t want him to notice how hard she was having to work to juggle everything. Even now, she was sure if he looked close, he’d see how tired she felt. She didn’t want him to think less of her.

She’d been up late the night before, and the two nights before that. Six courses had big assignments due this week, two of them college, and when so much of her time was spent here, training and keeping fit, she was having trouble keeping it all together. If she wasn’t careful, her mom was going to notice. At least once school was out she’d have more chances to catch her breath for a few weeks. But before that she was going to have to study for end-of-term tests, and… well, Peridot would understand if she needed to take a rain check from their meetings for a week or so. She could catch up on that during summer, too.

She let Steven lead her up the ramp to Little Homeworld. Most of the gems there were used to his presence, but there were always one or two who wanted to stop and say hi as Steven passed by them on the way to the warp pad, either visitors or new arrivals. She was glad for the break. It gave her a chance to rest while he took the bulk of the conversation. She needed the break, both in body and mind.

But soon enough they were at the pad, and Steven warped them both up to their normal training grounds in the Sky Arena. No one was waiting for them; the gems had trusted them to do any necessary combat training without supervision for ages now. Unless they needed an opponent for fusion training, this was time for them to practice alone.

“Five minute break?” Connie asked, trying not to sound as desperate as she felt.  
  
“If you insist, but if we end up late to the next activity, it’s on you.” Apparently she’d pulled it off. Steven grinned as he reached into Connie’s bag to distribute water and snacks.

“I’ll just have to kick your butt real fast,” she said between bites as she wolfed down her protein bar.  
  
He smirked. “If you can."

She kicked herself internally. She was tired. She shouldn't have riled him up. He might notice she wasn't giving her all.

It's not like she could beat him in a fair fight anyway. That ship had long since sailed.

* * *

Connie felt like she had been hit by a steam train. Hammering her sword against Steven's shield and flipping around trying to make an opening were incredibly draining. She didn't know if Steven realized how strong he'd become, but she was wiped while he was still trucking right along.

"One more?" he asked with a grin. At least he was breathing hard. That had to be a victory, at least a small one.

"No." She was doubled over, her sweatband soaked through while her sword sat on the ground. It wasn't the first time he'd knocked it from her hands today. "None more." He offered another water, and she drank greedily.

"You sure you're okay?" He sounded concerned, and she kicked herself again. She should be keeping up. This was her idea!

"Yeah! I'm fine. Just need some rest." She smiled with all the brightness she could muster.

"Sure you don't need a top off?" He beamed, kneeling next to her.

He was just so sweet and genuine. She couldn’t deny him. “Well… Alright. Go ahead.” She flushed and looked away.  
  
He popped a finger in his mouth and tapped her legs with it one at a time. She let out a sigh of relief as her overworked muscles healed in moments. He tapped her left hand, then took her right and gave it a sloppy kiss. “Steven! Gross!” She squealed with laughter as she pulled away.

"Sorry. Couldn't resist." He laughed as he stood back up to pull his jacket back on.

"You're lucky I need a shower anyway." She stowed her sword back in her bag and stood up, stretching her restored muscles. He really was a miracle worker, even if his miracles were sometimes very wet.

"Sure there's room in the schedule?" He teased. She realized with a blush that she was not sure there was.

But whatever they had scheduled was wiped from their minds as they warped back to Beach City and took a look around, only to see a small gem ship floating above Little Homeworld in the distance. They could hear snatches of a message being broadcast, but couldn’t make out the specifics. Steven frowned, scratching at his hair. “I don’t remember any transports coming in today.”

“That’s unusual.” Connie felt a twinge of worry. “Wanna check it out?”

“Probably should.” He let out a long-suffering sigh. “They’ll probably want to see me. They usually do.” He drew himself up, trying to look as official as any seventeen-year-old could manage as he activated the warp again.

“_ \--YOUR TRUE PURPOSE! IN YOUR INDOLENCE, YOU DENY EVERYTHING THAT YOU ARE! REGAIN YOUR LUSTER, I BEG YOU ALL, AND JOIN US IN OUR CRUSADE TO RETURN THE GEMS TO THEIR RIGHTFUL PLACE AS GUARDIANS OF THE STARWAYS!” _

Steven and Connie both covered their ears against the painfully loud speech coming from the ship above. Gems were watching it hover over the settlement, uneasy but unsure how to react. As Steven appeared, all eyes turned to him, and the ship’s message ceased. When it resumed, the passionate cry from before was gone, and a new voice smoothly intoned his name. “_ Steven Universe. _ ”  
  
Steven opened his mouth to reply, but Connie covered his mouth with a hand to interrupt him. “Who wants to know?” He gave her a puzzled look, and she rolled her eyes. She remembered what happened the last time a mysterious voice came looking for him. Might as well make them work for it this time.

The ship slowly turned, its nose pointing down at the warp pad and the two of them. “_ We, the stewards of the Gem Empire, have come to demand your immediate surrender and complete capitulation.” _  
  
Connie dropped her bag and pulled her sword free, but Steven put a hand on her shoulder before she could raise it. “You wanna talk? Fine. We can talk. But not while you’re pointing a cannon at me.” He raised a bubble around himself and Connie. “Come down! I’m sure we can work through this.” He smiled up at whoever was manning the ship.  
  
_“You are in no position to make requests.”_ The ship turned very slightly to the left, and a bolt of light flew into a building on the edge of the warp pad clearing. The building exploded, and two gems too close to the blast clattered to the ground, poofed by the force of it. The other gems gathered around let out cries of panic and started to run.

“Everyone take shelter in the windmill tower!” Connie ordered, raising her voice as loud as she could.  
  
“Stop!” Steven demanded of the ship, shield appearing on his arm. “If you want me, you don’t have to hurt anyone else! Just come down and tell me what you want!”  
  
“ _ Previous encounters indicate that threatening others is a reliable way to ensure your cooperation.” _Another bolt flew, sending gems flying.

“Not if I can protect them!” The bubble dropped, and Steven let out a grunt as he raised a new shield overhead, this one a huge polyhedral construct that covered half the square. Connie could see sweat bead on his brow as he struggled to make it as big as he could. Gems rushed to be underneath it, piling into the much more secure tower at the center of the community while staying out of the way. A quick cluster of shots hit the shield, and she could see him struggle to keep it up. The gems were remarkably quick to get to safety, and he drew more of the shield in, lessening his burden.  
  
“Are you okay?” She asked.

“Yeah. I can hold it. But we’re going to have to do more.” As the gems cleared away to shelter, he held out a hand to her. “Fuse with me?”  
  
For a moment, she faltered. What if he noticed her weariness? What if she was too weak, and Stevonnie--

She banished the thoughts and grabbed his hand. “Of course.” None of that was important. She was here, and the best aid she could give him was as half of Stevonnie.  
  
He gave her a weak smile before twirling her close. Their bodies became light, then became one.

Steven and Connie had both grown, and Stevonnie was taller than them both. They stood together nearly eight feet tall, Steven’s jacket fluttering like a half-cape over Connie’s exercise outfit, with Connie’s sword in one hand and Steven’s shield in the other.

Stevonnie glared up at the ship. “Land. The other Crystal Gems will already be on their way.”  
  
_ Are you sure? _ The Steven half of Stevonnie asked themselves.

_ They can’t have missed all of the explosions. There’s no way at least one of them isn’t coming, right? _

_ I wish we had called somebody first, though. I didn’t expect this. _

The ship faced off for another moment before they got their reply. “_ If you insist. You can clearly withstand the ship’s primary weapon.” _ A portal opened on the tiny craft, and from it a beam of light emerged, warping down a slender figure, nearly Stevonnie’s height. “A more direct approach is required.”

Stevonnie took a step forward the new figure. _ A fusion _, they realized. The light blue figure was almost completely coated in translucent white armor, and two gems adorned her: a light blue-green speckled rock on the forehead, and a clear yellowish faceted stone set in one shoulder. Her features were thin and tight, even thinner than Pearl’s despite a similar build, and each of her four arms ended in a dainty hand.

_ Do you recognize them? _ Connie asked.  
  
_ The yellow is an Adamite, I think? I don’t know about the other one. _Stevonnie raised sword and shield. “Who are you? Why are you here?”

“We are Tanzanite. And we were dispatched to capture or eliminate Steven Universe and any gems or organics accompanying him in order to more expeditiously return the gem empire to its rightful state.” A small ball of yellow-white light appeared between her fingers, humming ominously. “Will you surrender peacefully?”

“Its rightful state? You mean draining worlds of life across the galaxy?” Stevonnie glared. “Everyone is at peace now! How is any state more _ rightful _ than that?”

“As a member of ‘everyone’, I disagree with that assertion.” Tanzanite raised her arm and tossed the ball, and the hum grew to a whine as it flew towards them. Stevonnie dropped the shield above them and raised a bubble on instinct. A split second later, the ball exploded in a flash, sending the bubble and Stevonnie flying back until they crashed into the tower.

They winced as they stood back up. _ Right. Adamite is a demolition gem? So expect explosions. _

_ Glad we remembered the _ name _ first and not the fighty part! _ Stevonnie dashed forward, darting under another explosive sphere to bring up their sword and aiming for the hand that had thrown it. At first glance, the strike looked unblocked.

Then, at the last moment, a light blue panel appeared between sword and target, and the sword rebounded with a crystalline chime. _That’s not an Adamite thing!_  
  
They raised their shield to block a close-range explosion, then tried two more slashes, each met with another panel. A feint, then, hoping that Tanzanite could be tricked, but she simply summoned a second panel to follow the altered course of the blade. Stevonnie let out a frustrated growl and leaped back.  
  
“If you don’t have any alternate forms of attack, perhaps we could move this along?” Tanzanite asked plainly, eyes narrowed. “You’re not going to hit me with that.”  
  
Stevonnie wavered as Connie felt a stab of panic within them. _Sword skills are the only thing I’ve got!_

_ We’ve got plenty other options, _ Steven assured her. _ It’s okay. We’ve got this. _

Stevonnie collected themself and smirked, bolstered by Steven’s confidence. “If you’re so sure of that, then why are you armored?”

“Practicality.” Tanzanite leaned down and picked up a small piece of rubble, tossing it towards Stevonnie. “I wouldn’t disregard a potential advantage.”  
  
Stevonnie watched the rock clatter to a stop at their feet and sighed. “You don’t really get _ flustered _, do you?”

“I do not.” She gazed impassively as another ball of light appeared between her fingers. Then, without warning, the piece of rubble was back in her hand, and the humming explosive was on the ground at Stevonnie’s feet. They barely had time to take a breath before it detonated.

Steven was tough, and Stevonnie even more so, everything they had amplified by their bond. The explosion hurt as it tossed them into the air, but not enough to do anything permanent. But Connie’s sword was ripped from their grasp as they flew high into the air.  
  
There was a moment of tension as they were tossed. Stevonnie knew they needed to figure out what had happened. The gem could teleport those bombs around? That was going to be a problem.

But beneath that, Connie wanted to jump for the sword as it flew away in a wide arc. She _ needed _ it. Without it, she was just-- She wouldn’t be--

Steven tried to reassure her, tried to pull her back, but it was too late. Thirty feet up, Stevonnie burst apart in a flash of light. Connie screamed as she suddenly plummeted away from Steven, sword forced out of her mind as the ground rushed up to meet her. She tried to orient herself, half-remembered training jumbling in her head as she prepared for impact.  
  
“Connie!” Still floating, Steven tried to make a bubble big enough to hold them both. But he couldn’t judge the distance right, and Connie kept falling.

She braced herself with her arms, making sure her head didn’t hit first, and was rewarded with a bolt of white-hot pain and a wet snap. She choked back a cry of pain and rolled off of the broken arm, tears filling her eyes and blurring her vision. She was sure she had more injuries than the arm, but she had to stay up, keep fighting. Her vision swam. She hadn’t been able to keep her head from hitting, even if her arms had cushioned the blow.

She heard Steven call out to her, and tried to mumble something back to him, but she could barely get the words out. Somewhere in her brain the word _ concussion _ floated. Everything went pink, and she knew they must be inside a bubble. She could see him over her. He looked so worried. She didn’t want him to worry. She knew he was strong enough for this. She was the one who wasn’t.

Another explosion rocked her, and the tiny jolt sent another rush of pain rocketing through her. That, finally, proved to be too much for her fragile hold on consciousness. She passed out.

* * *

Connie burst back into awareness with a cry of pain. “Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Steven mumbled as he backed away. She could feel fading pain in her arm, the bone already knit back together. The pain of it must’ve woken her up.

In a flash, she remembered where she was and tried to leap up, to get back in the fight, but Steven held her back with one hand. “Take it easy, Connie. It’s done.”  
  
A rush of shame hit her. She’d missed it, then. “What happened?”

“It’s alright. You were right about help coming. It’s only been, I dunno, five minutes?” He looked over her, and when he seemed satisfied that she was healed enough, he sat down next to her on the ground. “Peridot, Lapis, and Pearl showed up about a minute after you fell, and Tanzanite couldn’t get another bomb thing past my bubble. They got poofed. Pearl’s got their gems bubbled while we figure out what the heck they wanted.”

She rubbed up and down her arms and legs, making sure she didn’t have any lingering wounds. She never stopped being amazed by what he could do. “I think they were pretty clear about that. Some kind of anti-rebellion? Trying to undo all the changes?”

He frowned. “I don’t know. Sounded like it. But… why? Everyone seems happy.”

“Yeah. You’re right. It doesn’t make sense.” Connie pushed to her feet. Steven made a noise, but she shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’m fine.” She sighed. “Well. I guess all’s well that ends well, right?” She gave him a weak smile. “You kept me safe and everyone else took care of it.”

He looked troubled as he got to his feet. “Connie… what happened?”  
  
Her brain locked up for a moment as she looked back at him. “What do you mean? We just, we got knocked apart. I can’t float. It’s fine. We fight together. These things happen.” Her fingers anxiously pulled at the edges of his jacket, and she suddenly realized she was wearing it. “Oh! This is yours. Sorry. Hope there isn’t any blood on it.” She handed it over.  
  
His brow furrowed. “It wasn’t the bomb, though. When we were fused--”  
  
Steven was cut off as the warp pad chimed and four figures appeared: Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet, and Peridot. “Connie!” Peridot shouted as she rushed over ahead of the others. “Good to see you ambulatory again!”  
  
“We were so worried!” Pearl fretted, fidgeting her hands as she looked Connie over.  
  
“Sorry we were late,” Amethyst grumbled. “Nobody told us there was a party today!”

“I apologize, Connie.” Garnet was as cool as ever, but Connie could see a little sag in her shoulders. “I haven’t been searching the future for things like this often enough. I should’ve seen this coming.”  
  
“Everything’s fine!” Steven assured them. “Connie’s fine, no gems got cracked. All the poofed gems are already gathered up and safe.”

All safe. All taken care of.

She wasn’t really needed at all.

Connie cleared her throat. “I should go find my sword. It flew, uh, over that way.” She pointed to where it had fallen, between two buildings. She knew exactly the last place she had seen it as it flew.

“We’ll help!” Peridot said eagerly. “It’s metal, right? That’s a snap for the mighty Peridot!”  
  
“Um, I think there’s enough to keep you guys occupied.” She looked around at the rubble left by the attack. A wall was kind enough to crumble as they watched, making her point for her. “I’ll find it. I know pretty much where it went.”  
  
“I’ll look with you,” Steven promised. She could see how he worried over her, nearly as much as Pearl did. He was at least thoughtful enough not to _say_ that it was to make sure she wasn’t hurt.

“Thanks, Steven.” She led him towards where she’d last seen it, leaving the other Crystal Gems to start trying to clean up and restore order.

It didn’t take long to search. Even in Little Homeworld, a four-foot multicolored sword stood out, and it was far enough away to not be amid the rubble. She looked it over and sighed with relief. “Still good. Bismuth’s work really holds up, huh?” She joked weakly, looking at Steven.

He looked down at it, brow furrowed again. “Connie…”

She sighed. There was no avoiding it, then. “Yeah?”

“When we were fused, something happened. It’s like, when the sword got knocked out of our hands, you went with it.” He hesitated, and his eyes met hers, searching for something. “What happened?”

“I… I don’t really want to talk about it.” She looked down. “I was just worried.”

“Connie, it’s just a sword. If it broke, Bismuth could fix it. Or make a new one! Maybe you could even work with her, figure out what works best?” He smiled brightly.

She grimaced. “It’s not that! I wasn’t worried that it was broken. It’s way too sturdy, anyway.” She rapped her knuckles on the flat of the blade.

“Then what was it?” She was silent for a few moments more, and he took a step closer, putting a hand on hers. “Connie. C’mon. We promised we’d be honest with each other. I can’t be without my strawberry.” He hummed their jam song, trying to cajole her.

And it was working. She groaned. “It’s not that it was broken, it was just gone! We were Stevonnie, and…” Deep breath. She could get through this. It was going to come out eventually. “Do you ever think about how much of Stevonnie is, you know, each of us?”

“Half,” he said automatically, smiling gently. “I don’t understand what you mean. It’s us! Both of us, in harmony.”  
  
“Well, yeah. That’s technically true. But, like, when we fight.” She scuffed her shoe on the ground. She wanted to look up at him, but it was hard enough just saying this without seeing his reaction. “The strength, the floating, bubbles, all your shields, the way we jump… that’s all _ you _, Steven. I’m just bringing a sword.”

“It’s not _ just _ a sword! You’re a master with it!” Steven protested. “And I’m not nearly as agile as you, either. That’s you too! The way we ducked under that ball, I woulda just got hit!”  
  
“You don’t need to be agile! You’re hard as a diamond!” She swallowed hard. She was going to have to say it herself. “When we fuse to fight, Steven, sometimes I feel like I’m just a powerup. And you’ve gotten so much better, so much stronger, that… that I don’t really think it’s a powerup you need.”

She could _ feel _ his distress without even looking. “So, what? You don’t wanna fuse anymore?”  
  
“No! I do!” She forced her head up. “I love being Stevonnie with you, Steven. I’d never give that up for anything. Stevonnie isn’t just a combat thing.” She sighed. “But I learned to fight so I could fight _ with _you, Steven. To be your knight. And I want to, Steven. I want to so badly. But since then, you’ve gotten stronger, faster, you’ve learned all these new diamond powers, and you’re incredible, Steven. I’m not jealous, okay? It’s not that.” She leaned against a wall. She was too tired for this much emotional junk.

“Alright. It’s not that.” He leaned with her, trying to keep her comfortable. “So what is it?”

“I think it’s selfish of me to insist that I fight with you. You’re stronger than me by miles. You’re faster. But most of all, you’re sturdy.” She frowned. “Floaty powers or not, you could’ve taken that fall and been totally fine. And if one of those bombs had hit both of us… you’d probably be hurt, sure, but me? I might just…” She blew a raspberry instead of saying the word, trying to lighten the mood. But it didn’t work.

“You’re as good as any Crystal Gem, Connie,” Steven said seriously. “Ask Pearl. She’d tell you.”  
  
She shook her head. “Nope. There’s one Crystal Gem who outshines all the rest.” She poked his side. “And that’s you, biscuit.”

His brow furrowed again. She could tell he wanted to argue, but honestly, how could he? Diamonds had magic powers coming out of their ears, Steven included. He’d had years to master them. At this point, anything that was a real threat to him was probably too much for any other gem to handle alone. And they all knew it.

“You still matter, Connie. You’re still a Crystal Gem.” He smiled reassuringly.

“And I always will be. I just need to think about some stuff.” She went in for a hug. “Thanks for listening, Steven. Sorry to be such a downer. I’m gonna find Lion and head home a little early, okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah. Pretty sure he’s back at the house. Besides, I’m definitely going to have to tell the diamonds about this stuff soon. And that’s probably gonna take all evening.” He sighed. “See you Friday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it.” She smiled back at him.

* * *

Steven went off to help clean up, and Connie hitched a warp with Peridot back to Beach City. Lion wasn’t hard to find, and her house was blissfully empty when she arrived home, both of her parents out on night shifts. She needed that. She needed the break.

She put a casserole in the oven, and sat, and thought.

She’d been building to this for a while, she realized. It had been so long since any danger had come up with her nearby that she’d been able to table it, to let other things occupy her time.

...But it had never quite gone away, had it? She was pushing herself, but her pushing was all towards an end. Her classes might look odd from the outside, focus split between sciences and philosophy, but that was all in the service of becoming something she felt Steven needed. He had the heart to be a leader, stars knew that. He had heart enough a thousand times over. But he needed someone to help him, someone with brains and knowledge. Connie knew she could fill that role. Everything she was studying was in service to filling that role. Her parents might not realize it yet, but Connie _ knew _ that was the place for her. She was never going to be President. She was a Crystal Gem.

And the Crystal Gems were never going to be entirely free from conflict. The gem empire spanned the galaxy. Trouble would always develop, trouble that would find its way to them. They were a beacon signifying all the changes Rose had started and Steven had implemented. Peace would never be something they could just enjoy. They’d have to fight for it.

And Connie would always be human. She was a Crystal Gem, but always the one most at risk. Eventually, she’d make a big mistake, and then… poof. No more Connie.

Steven would never forgive himself.

The oven chimed, and she took the casserole out to cool.

What could she do about it? Humans weren’t going to be able to help her. No amount of protein powder or juice or even steroids would have saved her if one of those bombs had gone off in her face. Or if Spinel had dropped _ her _ off of an injector. Or any dozen of other things the gems had survived.

The simplest solution would be to do what her parents had never secretly stopped wanting: give it up. She could still work with Peridot, sure, and be involved, and maybe she’d even carry the sword since there were plenty of small-fry problems that she was more than fit to fight. But when something like today happened, she could just… bow out. Admit that some things were beyond her. Let Steven face them without her.

She stabbed her first bite of casserole a bit harder than necessary. _ Unacceptable. _

So. Human science couldn’t help Connie. Connie wasn’t willing to budge.

Could the gems help her?

Bismuth’s forge made more than swords. Peridot made _ everything _. Did it all have to be for gems?

Connie wolfed down her dinner in a way her mother would have certainly scolded her for, then ran upstairs, her mind awhirl. She pulled out a notebook and started writing everything she could think of.

Of course this was the right path. She should’ve considered this years ago, as soon as she’d been given a new sword. She’d seen magic and technology that beggared belief in her time with Steven and the Crystal Gems.

And tomorrow, she was going to find a way to use it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is my first fanfiction on this site, and my first in... oof, nine years. Time sure flies. As I assume you've read, it takes place about a year after the movie, with the assumption that there won't be a ton of activity immediately after the movie. This assumption is probably false, but I don't think this is going to be canon-compliant any time after Season 6 begins. But maybe I'm a mystical seer! Who can say.
> 
> I've noticed that while there are a lot of fanfics with empowered!Connie--and well there should be, she is the best and deserves the best--they almost universally share a trait I don't agree with: Connie's enhancement is an accident, or a fluke, or a gift from some higher being. But Connie has always been inherently active. When Steven notes that she could learn from Pearl, she leaps at the call. She doesn't just tell Pearl that she wants to learn so that she can have fun with a sword, she wants to learn so that she can fight by Steven's side and protect the Earth.
> 
> This is a girl with FIRE.
> 
> So it rankles me very slightly that I never see stories where Connie, of her own volition, reaches the limits of what a human can do and attempts to go beyond them using whatever magic she can scrounge up. And so I decided that this was an idea worth writing, even if it will be somewhat similar to a few other stories on the site. I don't want to say quite yet what she's going to do, but if you've spent a lot of time on here, you can probably make a fair guess. I can only hope that I present Connie's journey in an interesting and enjoyable way, and make it original enough to feel like my own story and not someone else's.
> 
> This story is going to be six chapters, with maybe a seventh as an epilogue if I feel like I need to wrap things up. I have a couple of chapters already finished, and I plan to post them weekly on Fridays. If I ever post a chapter and don't have the next one at least mostly done, I'll mention it in the notes.
> 
> Please leave comments and kudos! I'll try to answer any questions that don't spoil things. Thank you for reading, and I will post chapter two on Friday!


	2. Searching

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie searches for a way to better herself.

Lion was patiently waiting for her when school let out the next day. “Hey, bud. Little Homeworld?” He grumbled as he opened an eye, but a couple of chin scratches got him moving quick enough. Connie mounted with a grin, closing her eyes to enjoy the wind on her face as he leaped into the blinding warp. She was skipping a model UN meeting for this, but they’d understand.

She had more important things to do.  
  
“Thanks, Lion.” She dismounted and scratched his ears again before he ran off to find a shady place to resume his nap. Connie pulled a notebook out and started thumbing through her notes. She’d brainstormed for hours last night, staying up way too late, and the fruits of her labor were:

_ Gem artifacts ( _ _ <strike>Pearl Garnet</strike> _ _ Bismuth! _ _ ) _

_ Pink? ( _ <strike> _ Steven _ </strike> _ , Lars, Lion?) _

_ Gemtech (Peridot for sure) _

The rest of the page were all scribbles and half-baked ideas, but these leads were worth following up on right away. She looked around. Lion had dropped her off at the warp pad, and she could see Bismuth’s forge close by. The enormous sword over the door made it obvious who lived there even if she’d never visited before.

Connie opened the door and peered inside. The room was dimly lit by a deep orange glow, and the sound of hammering leaked out. “Hey, Bismuth! You around? Safe to come in?”

“Connie!” Bismuth called back. Connie could hear steam from somewhere inside. “One sec, alright? Gotta drain the lava. Don’t wanna cook you two.” A deep bubbling noise emanated as the molten rock and metal was returned back to the earth, and a set of lights flicked on to illuminate the sudden darkness. A whirring fan kicked on, blowing a burst of intensely hot air past Connie. “Alright, come on in.”  
  
Connie wiped sweat from her forehead as she stepped in, taking a deep breath of hot air that tasted of metal and made her cough a little. “H-hey, Bismuth. Good to see you.”

“Good to see you too.” Bismuth approached, blowing out one glowing-red hand and holding it out to clasp. “No Steven, though? You two are usually closer than the Rutile twins.”

“No, just me.” Connie caught her hand and squeezed it with a grin. “Had some questions.”

She grinned back. “Ah, personal bismuth.” Connie managed to keep her wince to a minimum, and Bismuth burst out laughing. “You know I can’t resist. What’s up? Something wrong with your sword? You didn’t break it, did ya?”

Connie flushed, suddenly straight-backed. “No, no. I’m very careful with your sword, ma’am.”

“_ My _ sword? I’m not the one who climbed a thousand-meter diamond robot with nothing by my hands and a blade, Connie. That sword is _ yours _. And don’t call me ma’am!” Bismuth smacked her back and laughed. “Do I look like Pearl to you?”

“No.” Somehow she found deeper shades of red to fill her cheeks. “Uh, anyway. I was wondering… you made me my sword. Are there, er, other things you could make me?”

“Other things? Looking to branch out into new weapons?”

Connie rubbed the back of her neck. “Not… exactly. I’m looking for more of an all-over power boost?”

Bismuth frowned. “Huh. This is about what happened yesterday, huh? I heard you got into a brawl with some troublemakers and needed some TLC from Steven.”

She shook her head. “I wouldn’t say it’s just about that. Yesterday was just a catalyst for something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.”

“Yeah… I know that feeling. Sometimes things bubble under the surface until a crack gives them room to move.” Bismuth nodded sagely. “So, what are ya thinking? Armor? Something with some more range?”

“I don’t think metal armor would fit my fighting style. It’s too bulky. It’d have to be extremely light, and honestly I just don’t know if that would help considering how strong gems are.” She frowned. “Steven’s told me about all sorts of really amazing gem artifacts that he’s seen. The time travel glass, Rose’s laser cannons, the duplicator wand… I even got to see the light prism in action. Could you make something like that? Something to make a human, you know… gem-level?” Connie winced a little as she finished. She felt greedy just asking.

“The kind of things you’re talking about are rare and treasured for a reason, Connie.” Bismuth shook her head. “I make weapons and armor and build structures. I’m no artisan. And even if I was, those kinds of tools are made over the course of millennia. From what I’ve heard, the lack of resources during Era 2 made spending time on stuff like that a total non-starter. Maybe there _ is _ something out there like you want, but I’ve never heard of anything made specifically to help a human. Gems were never really known for thinking about organics as anything other than obstacles.” Bismuth stared down at the ground. “Even the Crystal Gems took a long, long time to warm up to humans fighting alongside us. Especially considering what it ended up costing some of them.”

“Right.” Connie sighed. “Well. Thanks anyway.”

“Hey!” Bismuth clapped her back again and gave her a serious look. “Don’t let one bad fight get you down, Connie. You’re strong, girl. I _ never _saw a human with your fire. If you need a way to get stronger, I know you’ll find it.”

Connie perked up, stars in her eyes. “Thank you, ma’am! I’ll do my best!”

“What did I say about calling me ma’am?” Bismuth laughed again. “Go on. I’m sure you’ve got more people to talk to. See you around, Connie.”

“See you!” Connie rushed out of the door, sighing in the comparably cool spring air, and took a few moments to get the smell of metal out of her nose. “Well, that was a bust.” She took out her notebook and crossed out the first line. “Lars or Peridot... “ She tapped her pen on her nose. “Peridot will probably talk until the sun goes down no matter _ when _ I see her. I’d be better off finding Lars.” She pulled out her phone and sent him a quick text to make sure he was available, then walked to the warp pad. Hopefully she could get a warp there and back without bothering Lion again. She’d need his help getting home.

* * *

Connie stared intensely, weighing potential fates heavily before she made her decision. “Can I get... a peppermint tea with extra syrup?”

“You got it, Connie.” The girl who had replaced Sadie at the Big Donut was nice enough, but her name had never stuck in Connie’s head. She called back to Lars. “Hey! Lars! Your date is here!”

Lars turned the corner, a finger in one ear. “You don’t have to yell. Shop’s not _ that _ big. Hey, Connie.”

She smiled and nodded back to him. “Can we sit outside? I wanted to talk about some stuff.”

“Stuff, huh?” He snickered. “Sure. We can talk.” He led her outside, and Connie picked up her tea and followed him to a table. He leaned back with a smirk. “So. You wanna talk about Steven?”  
  
“What? Why do you think that?” Connie looked puzzled as she blew on her tea.

“You’re coming to me, without Steven, unannounced. You’ve gotta be planning a surprise for him or something, right?” He grins. “I’ve seen romcoms. I know the game.”

She groaned and sat down. “What? No. This… this isn’t about… I’m not thinking about that!”

He frowned. “Well, you aren’t _ actually _ after a date, right? I’m way older than you, and I have a girlfriend.”

“No! Lars, I wanted to…” She looked around and lowered her voice. “I wanted to ask you about your _ pink _ thing.”

“Oh.” His shoulders sagged. “That’s kinda heavy, Connie. What brought this up?”

“I was--” She halted herself. She couldn’t just admit what she was thinking about. She knew very well what it took to turn pink. And step one was _ die _. “Just curious about it.”

“There’s not a lot to it.” He moved a lock of hair out of his eyes and stared up at the sky. “I don’t get tired easy. I don’t get sick ever, only have to eat every few weeks if I don’t feel like it… and I’m pretty sure I’m not getting any older. I still feel seventeen, and all my high school classmates are showing their age at least a little bit. I wouldn’t think too much of it, but apparently Lion has been around for like a hundred years. And lions live like a decade or two normally. So...” He sighed heavily. “That’s a real big thing.”

Connie wrote all of that down. “Have you been able to use any of the abilities Lion uses? Warping or doing that force blast thing?”

“I’ve never tried anything but the hair portal,” he answered with a shrug. “Probably could, but what’s the point? I can hitch a ride with one of the Off-Colors if I want to get around, and I’ve still got the Sun Incinerator if I needed to go somewhere without a warp. Besides, I lived as a space pirate, and it was rough. I didn’t _ have _ to come back to the Big Donut. I just wanted to try to feel human again. I’m not interested in being some kind of hero. I had to do it to get home.”

“That must’ve been hard.” She nodded sympathetically. “Well, have you noticed any extra strength or durability?”

“Not really… I bleed really slowly, but other than that…” He trailed off for a moment. Then his eyes dropped back to her, narrowed suspiciously. “...Why do _ you _want to know, Connie? You never showed a lot of interest anytime in the past three years. Kinda weird that you’re just asking all this out of the blue, isn’t it?”

She froze, eyes wide like she’d been caught with a hand in the cookie jar. “I-I’m just curious!”

He sat back up, scowling at her. “Connie, this isn’t some kind of _ hero form _ I put on to get home. I _ died _ on Homeworld, and I was _ lucky _that Steven was there to bring me back. I don’t know how or why it worked, and neither does he. You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

She stared at a spot over his shoulder, trying to maintain the illusion of eye contact. She couldn’t afford to look guilty. “I… I just need to find a way to get stronger, Lars. I’m open to anything.”

“You shouldn’t be open to dying!” He shouted, standing up and pacing. “I’m not going to tell you anything else, Connie. I can’t believe-- why would you even consider this?”

She bit her tongue to keep from shouting back. “It’s just something I was researching, Lars. I’m not planning to go to Steven’s house and drink a bottle of hemlock for him to cry over me.”

“But you wanted to know if you should, right?” He looked disgusted with her, and he raised his hands as if to push her away. “I’m out, Connie. I’m not going to tell you whether to kill yourself just so Steven can _ maybe _ make you a pink zombie. Geez, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one.” 

He stormed back into the donut store, leaving her sitting there, hand trembling as her cardboard cup of tea warped in her grip. After a moment, she stood up, mechanically walking back towards the warp pad. Her eyes fell on Steven’s house, and burning shame filled her belly. She imagined his face if he knew what she had been thinking (and she _ had _ been thinking about it, even before the fight yesterday spurred her into action). She could picture perfectly how his face would crumple. She’d seen it long before, when she called herself nothing and pledged her life to his.

She stopped for a moment on the beach to collect herself, willing the tears in her eyes not to fall. She wasn’t going to break down and cry on the beach. She was strong. She was smart. She was a knight.

Connie finished her tea and continued on. She had another stop to make.

* * *

When she arrived back at Little Homeworld, Connie took a few seconds to wander. The mood whiplash she’d gone through was getting to her, but she at least trusted that Peridot would be enthusiastic at worst. She just needed to rest for a second. Just to get her bearings.

She was sitting on the ground outside Peridot’s workshop when something filled her vision an inch from her nose. Her heart raced as her eyes crossed to track it, only to see a rainbow-swirled snowcone. She followed the cone to a hand, then traced that back to Lapis, smiling casually down at her. “Hey. You look down. Want a snowcone?” Lapis had her own half-eaten cone in the other hand.

“Uh… yeah. Thanks, Lapis.” Connie accepted it and took a small bite. She closed her eyes for a second, savoring the cold and the sweet. “Why’d you have a snowcone for me?”  
  
“Got it as a little surprise for Peri. She’s kinda big on sugar water. But you looked like you needed something.” Lapis sat down next to Connie. “Still down about yesterday?”

“Kinda.” Connie let out a long, slow sigh. “Today hasn’t been great either, honestly.” 

“That’s a bummer.” Lapis took a thoughtful bite. “So is moping the only thing on your schedule? You seem like you could use a good mope day. You’re way too busy.”

Connie stared down at the snow cone, then chomped half of it in one bite. “Mmmf. You’re right. I could. But no. I was actually looking for Peridot.”

“You sat down on the ground to look for Peridot?” She snorted. “I don’t think that’s going to work.”

Connie laughed. “No, I mean I was about to look for her.”

“She’s inside. You wanna come in?”

Connie thought about it a moment. “You know, I think I can afford another couple of minutes.”

Connie relished the moment to herself, appreciating the snowcone with Lapis, and tried to still her raging thoughts. But it was over before it’d begun, and she was back on her feet, Lapis behind her as she pushed her way into the workshop.

“Lapis! Back already?” Peridot turned from her work arranging a pile of metal into something like a tree. Her face fell a little when she saw Connie, but brightened again a moment later when Lapis followed her through. “Oh! Visitors!” She scurried down from her pile of junk to greet them. “Or… visitor? Hey, Connie. You’re alone? On a non-study day? Where’s your Steven?”

Connie blushed. “Why does everyone ask that? He’s not _ my _ Steven. And he’s still handling the fallout from Tanzanite today. Some extremely nice version of an interrogation, I think. I’m just here to ask you for some assistance.”

“Assistance with what?”

“Well…” Connie opened her notebook and scanned her notes from the night before. “I know we’re still getting into the basics of gem technology, but I was wondering if there was anything practical I could use? Something to help me fight alongside the Crystal Gems.”

Peridot frowned, rubbing her chin. "It's… hmm. If I understand correctly, you want something like my old limb enhancers. A tool that would provide a boost to your natural human aptitude."

"Is that possible?" Connie tried not to look too eager. "Can gem tech do that?" 

"Ehhh…" Peridot faltered. "About that. Lazuli, can you get me an arm extension?" 

“Sure thing.” Lapis unfolded her wings and flew up into a hole in the ceiling. Peridot prepared a small scanner and a projector while Lapis banged around above. "Is it in a box?" 

"No, it's at the back! There's a stack of outmoded tech!” Peridot yelled up at her. “Don't bother with the touch pieces, I just need to show her the connector!" 

"Got it!" Lapis swooped back down, depositing a forearm-length hunk of purple and black metal into the scanner space. After a moment of tinkering, Peridot had a floating hologram of the object with all the interior workings revealed.

“Luckily, I have a bunch of these from some of the gems who were forced to use them before all the changes happened. So I can show you how they work.”

“How would I use something like this?” Connie looked closely at the display. “There’s gotta be buttons or something, right?”

“Well, that’s just it. That’s not right.” Peridot pushed her hand into the hologram and highlighted a few sections. “These panels are gem-tool interfaces. When I wear one of these, they provide me with an instinctive knowledge of their workings and abilities, and I can access those as easily as you can move your touch-- er, your fingers.” She wiggled her own. “Nearly all gem tech made for personal use is designed this way. The only personal tech you’ll find with buttons or levers is _ laughably _archaic.”

Connie frowned. “Well… can’t you just, you know, build some sort of brain-gem interface?”

Peridot scoffed. “Sure I can. Do you have any humans who are willing to let me electrocute their brains for the sake of science?”

“Uh…” Connie turned slightly green at the thought. “So that’s a no.”

“Your human understanding of your own brains is incredibly primitive, even compared to the ridiculously slow rate of advancement of your other technologies. Is it true you have whole books of all the things that can go wrong with your brains, and no ways to fix them?” Peridot rounded on her, eager for another nugget of information.

“Oh, yeah. The DSM.” She groaned in memory of an online college psychology course. “Very dry reading. But we have some ways to treat our mental stuff. Just… not a lot.”

“See? Gems, on the other hand, have understood our own mental processes and built interfaces for them for millenia! Even most Era 1 tech works that way.”

“But not all of it. Rose’s Sword was gem-made, and I didn’t have any trouble with it.” Connie crossed her arms. “Same with mine.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Those swords were and are hunks of superlight metal attached to a stick. You don’t need an interface to swing around metal, Connie.”

“I don’t just _ swing it around _,” she replied indignantly.

“And nobody said you did,” Peridot replied blithely. “The point is, even if I tried to make you something from scratch, it’ll be severely limited. I could, I guess, stoop to using _ buttons _, but there’s only so many buttons to fit on a personal device, and it’s hardly an easy way to use tools. Besides, most tools are also powered by the gem of the user.” She rolled her eyes. “It would be so much easier if Steven wanted something.”

Connie pouted. “Yeah, I know. _ Steven _can get whatever he wants.”

“No, no. It’s not any sort of favoritism! He’s just got a gem.” Peridot shrugged. “If you had a gem, I could make you whatever you wanted.”

She let out an exasperated sigh and crossed her arms. “Well, yeah! If _ I _ had a gem, I wouldn’t need any of this help! Steven certainly doesn’t.”

“Oh!” Peridot beamed. “Well, if you’re open to that level of experimentation, I have plenty of ideas!” 

Connie blinked. “Ideas for what?”

Peridot scurried through her workshop, picking out a few bits and pieces and assembling some displays. “From the way you all talk about it, I assumed you humans were, you know, really gung-ho about being human or whatever. Organic pride, and all that.” She looked closely at a data storage unit before tossing it over her shoulder, somehow dissatisfied. “But after your reports on Steven, I have a good bit of theorycrafting on potential hybridization!”

“What reports? Hybridization?” Connie dissembled the word, and her heart leapt into her throat. “You mean hybrid like Steven?”

“Yes!” Peridot pulled up a simplified model of a human, or maybe a gem. “Steven is proof positive that gem and organic life can coexist in some form. And the method seems clear enough. He’s a fusion. An exceptionally stable one, but still!”

“Wait, what? You think _ Steven _ is a fusion?”

“Well, isn’t that obvious? You’ve seen the two components, during the, uh, incident on homeworld.” Peridot looked uncomfortable as the human onscreen was matched by a similar one, pink-tinged and translucent with a gem in the belly. “I didn’t see it, of course. And his human and gem forms were extremely dependent on each other, if you reported correctly. But you stated that the two Stevens danced before recombining. I would have assumed that fusion with an organic was impossible, since you’re, you know, carbon, oxygen, phosphates, etcetera, rather than conscious light. But, well…” Peridot gestured in Connie’s general direction.

“I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.” Connie stared down at her hands. “So… Steven’s a fusion like Stevonnie.”

“A special one, of course, with two components that are seemingly made to be together.” The human on the display and the gem form combined into one with a flash. “But I don’t see why the process can’t be duplicated. Pink Diamond found one way to do it, but I have many competing theories for others!” Peridot beamed. “So, what do you think? Does my genius astound you?”

“Peridot…” Connie pinched her nose as she tried to process it. “That’s… that’s way too big. You can’t just drop that on me like it’s not a big deal.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m not a big deal.” Peridot preened.

Lapis grimaced. “Peri, are you suggesting a gem just do what Pink Diamond did? Give themselves up? Trap themselves in a human?” The shadow of old wounds crossed her face. “That’s not okay, Peridot.”

Peridot was overwhelmed by panic for a moment. “What? No! I’ve developed potential solutions for that!” She flushed. “For one, it wouldn’t be _ trapping _, exactly. Clearly the process is, uh, not completely understood yet, but if Steven is any indication, the gem doesn’t stay who it was before? Though perhaps that’s a unique byproduct of the process Pink Diamond used…” She let out a sheepish laugh. “I’m working with very limited data. But there are alternatives that would be much more palatable to all involved!”

Connie bit her lip and tried to defuse things. “Lapis, I wouldn’t agree to anyone, gem or human, giving up themselves for me. Nothing I want is worth that.”

Lapis’ shoulders relaxed a little bit. “Then… alright.” She let out a breath and smiled. “I trust you, Connie.”

Peridot cleared her throat. “Yes. I didn’t expect that to be a viable option. But, as I said, there are alternatives!” She hesitated. “Well, one alternative, anyway. One only a kindergartener would know about. We develop an inert gem!” She paused a moment for dramatic effect. “...Which I will now explain. How much do you know about gem production?”

Connie shook her head. “Steven mentioned something about a kindergarten once? And Amethyst said she came out of the ground fully formed, I remember that. But nothing else.”

“Well.” Peridot adjusted her glasses and started pulling up visual aids. “It’s a delicate process requiring _ expert _analysis and planning. But I will give you a simplified version.” She pulled up a machine that looked like a viral cell, which went through the motions as we spoke. “This is an injector. It’s filled with a fluid called… well, you don’t need to know that. The important thing is, it drills down, plants the fluid, and the fluid builds a gem using materials in the fluid and elements around the injection site. Then the fluid teaches the gem what it is, including its role, name, and assignment. That last part is most crucial, and if it goes wrong, sometimes the gems come out abnormal. Amethyst is an example of an error in the assignment process.”

Connie nodded along, taking notes as Peridot explained. “Alright. So, inert gems? Is that a specific type? Or is that the fluid?”

“Well, the fluid is given instructions before injection through a method that I can’t really explain in short. Usually the first instruction given is what gem to make, based on the materials present. Then the gem assignments are given. That second part informs everything about the gem. Personality, shape, size, initial appearance, and so on.” Peridot hesitated. “Of course, most of that information can be changed through experience, but let’s not dwell on that. The point is, an inert gem gets the first set of instructions on what gem to make, but the second part is never done. It’s a pretty rookie mistake.” She smirked slightly. “You end up with a gem in the ground that never comes out. No personality, no form, nothing. The potential for assignment and the energy to form are there, but they’re wasted. Unless!” She jabbed a finger into the air. “If we _ want _ a gem with no mind, then that’s perfect!”

“And why do we want a gem with no mind? How does that assist in hybridization?” Connie was careful to keep this idea separate, well-contained, away from herself. It was far too early to be hopeful for anything this fantastical.

“Well, I have a few theories as to how to fuse a pure gem with a pure organic. The leading one is that it requires total synchronicity, much higher than a gem-to-gem fusion. Steven’s two components are both, essentially, him. So, when they’re close, they fuse.” Peridot clasped her hands together. “So, you know… we just have to get your brain into a gem.” Connie put a hand to her head with a look of alarm, and Peridot rolled her eyes. “Not _ literally. _ A copy of it. A mental scan!”

“But I thought you couldn’t read my brain. You just said!”

“I said I couldn’t build an _ interface _.” Peridot shook her head. “An interface would be in real time, and I’d have to send electrical signals into your brain as well, which would be pretty impossible to test without a few less-than-safe incidents. A full scan will take hours at least, but with enough research, it should be entirely plausible!” Peridot grinned. “Your network of organic matter isn’t entirely dissimilar to the quantum circuits present in a gem. It’ll take time and research to make a semi-perfect translation, but I am fully dedicated to making it happen! This will be a revolution in gem-organic relations!”

Deep breaths. Keep the thoughts separated. Connie focused herself, willed herself to stay calm. “Okay. So, say I agreed to this… procedure. What would we need?”

Peridot began to pace back and forth, one hand on her chin as she thought. “Many of the tools are already in my possession. If building a gem instruction blueprint of your mind works, the only other factor would be creating the gem. So, we would need some of the gem, er, fluid. The Alpha Kindergarten still has injectors on standby, so we should be able to harvest some unprogrammed ones. I’d need to build a small single-use injector. We would need a site with materials available to build a proper gem.” She faltered. “And… even a single gem, even without a personality, will drain materials and energy necessary to sustain life from a large area, at least several dozen cubic meters. The Crystal Gems do not seem very supportive of the idea of using more injectors. So, in order to even think about this, we’ll have to do something every scientist fears.” She groaned. “We’ll have to ask permission.”

“Then let’s do that. If they agree, then… then we can start seeing if it’s possible.” Connie stood up, suppressing a shiver as she put her notes away. “I’ll call Steven, ask him to gather everyone who wants to hear about it.”

“You think the other Crystal Gems will go for it?” Lapis asked casually. “They’ve spent thousands of years trying to make sure the gems stop draining life from the Earth. And Steven’s been stopping the gems from colonizing anywhere else. Feels like going against the grain to me.”

“They’ve got to!” Peridot exclaimed. “Once I explain and they understand what a huge leap forward this will be, I’m absolutely sure that they’ll agree!”

* * *

“Absolutely _ not! _” Pearl exclaimed.

“That’s not cool, Peri-D,” Amethyst said darkly.

Garnet just glowered, her visor shining as she looked down at Peridot, while Steven frowned with his arms crossed, unsure what to say.

“Honestly, Peridot, I can’t believe--” Pearl closed her eyes and pinched her nose. “No, that’s not true. I can _ absolutely _ believe you’d come up with this cockamamie farce of an idea. But Connie, what are you thinking? You know that gem production harms the planet! Why would you be in support of making gems?”  
  
Connie’s mouth was dry as she looked at Pearl, her back straight and fists clenched. “I-it’s for me, ma’am. Peridot wants to make a gem for me.”

“You guys suck at explaining.” Lapis watched with a bemused smile, hovering nearby to watch the fireworks.

“What would you need a gem for?” Steven asked, speaking for the first time.

Peridot stuttered under Garnet’s gaze, unable to get any words out. So Connie took a deep breath, let it out, and tried again. “I went to Peridot today because I wanted to ask for some form of assistance in improving myself. Peridot believes she can replicate the process Rose Quartz used to bind a gem to a human… and I want her to do it to me.”

There was a moment of stunned silence.

Then utter pandemonium erupted as everyone shouted at once, Pearl screeching about utter insanity, Steven shouting that he didn’t want Connie to turn into a baby, Amethyst shaking Peridot as if she could shake more information out of her, and Lapis laughing over it all. Only Garnet retained any semblance of calm, and finally she intervened. “Enough!” Her voice broke through the chaos, and everyone fell silent. “Peridot. Explain.”

“Gladly!” She squeaked, half-panicked as she pulled up the displays she had earlier shown Connie. 

Steven, Amethyst, Pearl, and Garnet listened intently as she stumbled through an explanation, Connie rescuing her once or twice when the pressure made Peridot freeze again. Eventually, somehow, she got it all out.

“You think I’m a fusion?” Steven asked slowly, a hand drifting to his gem.

“Technically, yes,” Peridot said, trying not to look at the three less-than-pleased gems around him. “The reports of your incident with White Diamond match fusion in every way. And I see no reason that a similar scenario would not produce similar results.”

“How dangerous is this?” Pearl asked sharply.

Peridot cringed under her gaze, but powered through. “It shouldn’t be dangerous at all! The most likely failure would simply be either an inability to activate the gem with a mental copy of Connie, or an inability to fuse. Neither would cause harm to Connie.”

Amethyst looked at Connie, sizing her up. “Gem-powered Connie… sounds pretty bad-ass.”

“Amethyst!’ Pearl snapped.

“What? She’s heard it before. She’s, like, almost an adult, I think.” Amethyst crossed her arms and huffed.

“Connie.” Garnet commanded everyone’s attention. “You _ are _ a Crystal Gem. You’ve never needed anything but your own drive and skill before.”

Connie brought herself up as tall as she could, but she still had to look up to Garnet. “With all due respect, I’ve only ever held my own against full gems as part of Stevonnie. We’re not fighting mindless monsters anymore. Any time I fight a gem, I’m putting myself at risk for injury or… or worse.” She swallowed hard. It was humiliating to admit all of this aloud. “I want to stand beside Steven. I want to be his _ equal _. I’m never going to be able to do that as just a human.”

“You’re not _ just _…” Pearl frowned. “You’re the most talented human I’ve ever met, Connie.”

She took another deep breath. “I know, ma’am. But if any of you got your arms around me and really wanted to break me, do you think I’d have a chance?” Pearl put a hand to her mouth at the very thought, but she didn’t argue. Nor did anyone else.

“Garnet?” Steven’s voice was a small squeak, as if it was four years back and he was a child again. “Could it work?”

Garnet put a hand to her visor, the other balled tight at her side. “It isn’t easy to read. There are a multitude of possible outcomes. Not all good.” She paused. “But… it’s possible.”

“And she’d be like me. Half-gem.” He met her eyes. Connie saw in him the same thing she felt deep in her chest: hope, carefully guarded, but impossible to completely suppress.

“_ If _ it works.”

His face split into a wide smile. “Then I think it’s worth a try.”  
  
Connie beamed. “You mean it?”

“Steven, are you sure?” Pearl asked, eyes wide. “This is so far-fetched! There could be all sorts of unknown dangers!”

Steven nodded. “Connie works as hard as any of us. If she wants to try this, then I think we should trust her and Peridot.”

“Y-yes!” Peridot agreed eagerly. “This could be the first step to a new age of gem-organic communication! I have full faith in our ability to make this work!”

Pearl scowled. “But where would they _ do _ it? We can’t do more damage to the Earth in the name of some crazed experiment!”

Peridot puffed up indignantly, but Lapis stopped her with a smooth interruption. “What about the kindergartens?” She asked. “They’re already pretty dead, but they definitely could’ve made more gems, right? Just make it there.”

Peridot protested. “But they’re already mostly used up! I’d have to look over the surveys to find remnants, and there’d be no guarantee of any sort of quality from…” She trailed off as Garnet stared down at her. “Eheheh… On the other hand, what kind of scientist would I be if I didn’t face a few challenges?”

Garnet nodded. “I will give you my support, on two conditions.” She raised a hand to count off. “One: you will not plant a gem outside of a kindergarten. We have caused more than enough damage to the Earth as it is. If you try this, you will take every step possible to minimize and contain any potential damage.” She turned to Connie. “Two: you will tell your parents before anything else begins.”

Connie’s eyes went wide. “My parents won’t allow this! They barely agreed to let me stay up past ten-thirty this year! They’re not going to just _ agree _to me undergoing gem experiments!”

“I didn’t say you needed their consent. It’s your life, not theirs. But you need to tell them, Connie. They are your family, and they deserve to know what risks you’re taking. And if you don’t tell them, I will.” She crossed her arms.

Connie groaned and rubbed her face. “You’re right… That’s going to be such a nightmare. But you’re right.”

“Pearl?” Steven asked. “What do you think?”

She was stone-faced. “I think it’s wildly dangerous, and I don’t think you should be taking this kind of reckless risk for any reason. But if the rest of you agree, then I suppose I can’t stop you. Do what you will.”

Connie lowered her head, face red with shame. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I just don’t know what else I can do.”

“Don’t apologize to me, Connie,” Pearl snapped. “Just don’t die.” She turned and stalked out of Peridot’s workshop without another word.

Connie opened her mouth to speak, but there was nothing more to say. They were silent for a few moments, considering the gravity of what they were about to embark upon.

Peridot grinned. “Well, _ that _went better than expected!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! If you're just finding this today, welcome! If you've returned, thank you for remembering!
> 
> If you were hoping for more of an Iron Connie gem-tech superhero vibe from this story, I am sorry to disappoint you. It was one of my considerations, but ultimately I decided that matching Steven more directly made more sense as a character goal for her, and I prefer to go with doing something that we've seen rather than coming up with some unseen organic-empowering gem-tech that would probably never exist in the show, given how the gems feel about squishy organic life. 
> 
> Obviously I've poured a lot of personal headcanon into this story about exactly what Steven is and how something like him could be replicated, but if you prefer to think of Steven as completely unique and dislike gem!Connie as a concept, that's understandable. If you stick around, maybe I'll change your mind. Like I said before, the important thing to me was Connie choosing to go beyond human limits _ of her own volition._ I wasn't as interested in then coming up with a super-unique way for her to do that. I just want to execute a relatively straightforward idea well.
> 
> "Sorry! I'm just a human, so... Stevonnie looks human, and all their powers are Steven's." That's a line from the Dove x Steven Universe short about body positivity, spoken by Connie. That came out this week, and that discussion made me feel pretty prescient insofar as Connie's feelings about being a human among super-aliens. I don't have much else to say about it, but I hope it comes up more directly in the show.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I'll be back next Friday with Chapter 3, which will mark the halfway point for the fic. Thank you for reading, and please click all the buttons below this note to make the numbers go up! Numbers going up make me happy!
> 
> Chapter 3 Progress: 100%  
Chapter 4 Progress: 92%


	3. Growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie helps create a new gem.

“How do you feel?”

Connie had to consider it for a few moments. She’d spent so much time recently pushing all of her feelings down, it took a moment to pull them back up enough to think about it. “I… I don’t know.”

“Do you want to fuse?” Steven rolled over in the grass and held out his hand with a gentle smile. “We could figure it out together.”

“I don’t want to be fused when they get here.” She looked down the hill at the beach house. Her parents could arrive at any moment, and once they did... 

Steven patted her hand. “I understand. Well, can I help work through your feelings with you? Maybe make some guesses?”

“Guessing might help.” She giggled. “Sometimes it seems like you know me better than I do.”

“Hm…” He rolled back onto his back and closed his eyes. “If I were you… worried, for sure. At least a little. I know it’d be hard for me to try to talk to the gems about something this big. I know from experience.” He sighed.

“Definitely really worried,” she admitted. Her stomach was roiling. If Steven wasn’t nearby to anchor her, she might even be sick. It had happened before. “I don’t know what I’m going to say to them.”

“You just need to be honest. Your mom’s let you do all sorts of crazy stuff with us before.”

“But never anything this permanent. And this would be really, _ really _ permanent.” She closed her eyes. “Life-changing, even.”

“Are you excited?” He said. She could hear that he was. “I know I definitely am,” he confirmed with a laugh. “It’s… I know I’m not _ alone _ alone. I’ve got so many friends, even across the galaxy now, humans and gems both. But there are things I can’t really explain to anyone. There’s no one exactly like me.”

“But maybe there will be.” She breathed deep. She could smell the grass, the flowers, the coming summer and everything that might come with it. “And I’m excited.” She looked over at him, smiling brightly. “Honestly, I’m… scared, I think? Because it’s so big, it’s hard to even fathom it, and that’s frightening. But it’s the most exciting thing I can imagine. Even more than when I got to go to another planet with you.” Her hands tightened on the grass, and she laughed. “You know, I used to dream I was like you.”

“Like me?” He grinned, propping up on his elbows. “Do tell.”

“A gem, I mean. I had dreams where I was you, with a gem mom and an amazing magical destiny.” She blushed. She’d never admitted this before. It was too embarrassing. “You were there too! Sometimes the same, but usually we’d switched.”

“There were times I’d probably have switched with you if you asked,” he said with a wry smile. “And what happened?”

“I don't know, nothing much. Random magical adventures featuring dream logic. The dreams stopped once I started training with Pearl and I felt like I belonged. I didn’t feel like I needed a gem to be part of your universe anymore.”

“I don’t think you ever did. I still don’t think you do. But it’ll be so amazing!” He leapt high into the air, miming a sword duel as he floated down to his feet. “Steven and Connie, mystical hybrid warriors, fighting side by side for the good of humans _ and _ gems!”

She covered her face with both hands. “Steven, you can’t just romanticize us like that!” She giggled helplessly. “We’re real people!”

“I think what I said was pretty close to reality.”

Even her ears were red now. “Oh, gosh. I should have just done this in secret and told you after.”

“That wouldn’t save you from the schmaltz.” She felt him boop her nose and squeaked a little in surprise.

“I guess it wouldn’t. I’m just stuck with you.” She spread her fingers to peek at him.

“Yep!” He beamed. “Stuck forever.”

Forever. A thought came unbidden to her, a vision of the two of them a thousand years hence, hand in hand on humanity’s first space station, watching the stars together. “Y-yep,” she replied, voice cracking. “Just can’t get rid of you, huh?”

“As if you would.” He flopped back down on his back. “Hey, Connie?”

“Yeah, Steven?”

“You’re, uh… you’re doing this for _ you _, right?” He sounded a little worried. “I’m always kinda afraid that you do all this stuff just because of me, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to orbit me or anything. I know you’re independent and smart, but I just want to be sure that you don’t feel like you need a gem just to be with me.”

She stared up at the sky. “I’m doing this because being a Crystal Gem is the most important thing in the world to me. I want to do whatever I can to be one of us.” And if being his partner was the best part of being a Crystal Gem, it wasn’t technically a lie to not say that part, right? It was implied.

If he noticed her half-answer, he didn’t say so. “But you want to go to college and everything, right? And getting a gem… I mean, that’ll make things complicated, at least.”

“I don’t think I’d need to fill in ‘Gem-hybrid’ anywhere on my applications.” She smiled up at the sky. “Although if I did, I’d be really impressed with them for being so inclusive. And I’d probably get a minority scholarship for it anyway.”

Steven laughed with her. “Maybe I’m overthinking it.”

“You’d better not be. That’s _ my _ job.” She rolled over so that their shoulders were touching and took his hand to squeeze. “In any case, I’ll have to rethink all my future plans if this works, not just college. Higher education is still important, but maybe a year off after high school wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. I’m already graduating early. And I can’t exactly try to be President. Colleges aren’t going to care, but I think political offices would show a lot more scrutiny.”

“Well, maybe by the time you’re that old, gems and humans will be working together! Little Homeworld is just the first step!” He squeezed back and beamed over at her. “I wanna see a bright future for everyone on Earth, gem _ and _ human. And I think you’d make a great leader.”

She tried to mask her embarrassed blush with humor. “Well, that’s high praise from the illustrious Steven Universe, monarch of all gemkind.”

He stood and took a bow. “I look forward to a grand future of peace between our peoples, Madame President.” They both giggled again, but Steven stopped early. “Uh oh.”

“Here already?” She sighed and looked down the hill. She could see her parents’ car driving slowly up the beach, kicking up a cloud of dust. “Crud. I guess we’ll have to continue this later.” She leapt up and steadied herself. “You’ll stay close, right? While we talk?”

“I figure they’ll have questions for me. But even if they don't, I’m always here if you need me.”

“Thanks, Steven.” She hugged him tight, then led the way down towards the beach house.

Her parents were awkwardly chatting with Garnet on the beach by the time she got down there. Peridot looked like she might be sick, Amethyst had popcorn for the show, and Garnet was very Garnet. Pearl wasn’t present. She didn’t think her disapproving presence would be very helpful, and was choosing not to sabotage the proceedings. 

Connie appreciated that more than she could say. It was going to be hard enough to disappoint _ two _ parents.

“Hi, Mom and Dad! Um… thanks for coming.” Connie kicked herself internally. She wasn’t sure what the right way to start this was, but that wasn’t it.

“Mmmhmm.” Her mom already had a frown. Not a good sign. “If this is about another space adventure, I’ll have you know that the ‘diplomatic mission’ trick isn’t going to work a second time.”

“It wasn’t a trick! I--” She bit her tongue. If she got baited into an argument this early, she’d never get anywhere.

“We’re still at peace with Homeworld,” Garnet explained calmly. “And this isn’t about a mission.”

“Then what is it?” Dr. Maheswaran looked sternly at Connie. “Are you hurt?”

“Are you knocked up?” Her father asked casually.

“Doug!” His wife looked back at him, outraged. “She’s _ sixteen! _”

“And she’s off with her boyfriend three to five days a week doing who knows what.” He shrugged. “It’s a guess.”

“Dad!” Connie groaned. “He’s not my-- We’re not even-- Just, no! The answer to that is no!” She covered her face again. “Nothing has happened. I want to talk to you about something that _ could _ happen.” She rubbed her cheeks, trying to will the red away. 

Steven cleared his throat, somehow composed despite the turn of the conversation. “How about we all go sit down inside? I’ll make some tea, and we can all relax and talk things out.”

Dr. Maheswaran sighed. “Tea sounds lovely, Steven. Thank you. You’re a sweet boy.”

They all trucked through the sand towards the beach house and took seats around the living room, with Connie and Peridot left standing center stage.

“Alright, Connie. I think you can explain now,” her father said calmly. He was relaxed and leaning back, while Priyanka sat upright and alert.

“Alright.” She took a deep breath. “This week, I got hurt. I was with Steven during a random attack, and I fell. I caught myself, but my arm got broken and I passed out.”

Her mother’s eyes widened in alarm. “Have you been hiding a _ broken arm _, young lady?”

“No! I… I didn’t mention the injury because Steven healed it right away, before I even woke up.” Connie held her arms out, squeezing each to show the lack of injury. “He’s kind of a miracle worker.”

Steven clicked his tongue and shot her finger guns from the stove. “Universe charm.”

“Well.” Priyanka relaxed a little. “I’d appreciate giving you a more thorough examination, but I’ll take your word for now. Is that all you wanted to tell us?”

“No. It’s just what brought it up. I realized that, around the Crystal Gems, I’m not completely, totally… safe.” She looked apologetically at Steven. “Sorry.”

He waved it off. “It’s fine. I’m not safe either.”

“But he’s safer than me,” she continued. “I’m only human.”

Her mother nodded, her eyes softening. “It’s completely natural to reach your limits, Connie. There’s no shame if you need to take a less combative role.”

Connie saw the smiles on her parents’ faces and winced. “Well… not exactly. After I got injured, I decided to ask the gems if they could help. And Peridot here believes that she has a way to help me get stronger.” She motioned to the diminutive green gem, and Peridot waved.

“Hello, progenitors of Connie,” she said weakly. “I am Peridot, and I would like to help Connie fuse with a gem.”

“Fusion. I remember that! Like when she and Steven combine into Stevonnie?” Doug leaned in, eyes sparkling with interest. “And they’re a big mega-person for a while?”

“It’s a similar process, yes!” Peridot gained enthusiasm from his genuine interest. “But a more… permanent one. Connie would imprint a mental image of herself onto a gem, then fuse with it to become a gem-organic hybrid. Like Steven!” She pointed excitedly to the boy in the kitchen.

Suddenly, the sparkle was gone, and his voice was sharp. “Permanent?” He looked to Connie.

She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “Y-yeah, dad. Steven can’t unfuse with his gem, or he’ll, um, die, probably. Peridot expects that the same would happen to me.”

“And you agreed with this? Knowing that?” Dr Maheswaran frowned. “Connie, we’ve always tried to accept all of this, this _ oddity _ because it’s so important to you. But you can’t expect us to allow you to… I don’t even know what to call it. Is Steven even human?”

“He’s absolutely human!” Connie replied heatedly.

“Technically, only half,” Steven offered. Connie shot him a glare. “Oops. Not helping. Sorry”

“Connie, I wouldn’t even agree to you getting a _ tattoo _until you’re at least twenty-five and we can be sure you’re as mature as you ever will be.” Her mother crossed her arms. “Changing your species, becoming some alien mix… This is unacceptable.”

Connie steeled herself. This was the hard part. “Mom, Dad… I didn’t bring you here so that I could ask you to do this. I brought you here to _ tell _ you that I am _ going to do it _.” The looks of shock on her parents’ faces were priceless, but under the circumstances, she couldn’t really enjoy them.

“Connie...” her father started warningly.

“Let me finish,” she protested. “I’ve thought about doing something like this for years, at least. I trained in the sword to be a Crystal Gem, and I learned to fight with Steven as Stevonnie, but I’m running into the limits of what a human can do without hurting themselves. Last year, I cut a car in half! In one swing!” She closed her eyes, trying to remember that feat and bolster herself. “But… the problem isn’t being strong. It’s being able to take hits and keep going. And right now, as I am, one really bad hit and…” She let out a shaky breath. She could barely finish that thought to herself, much less to her parents.

But her mother had heard enough. “Then back off! Let the gems handle their own problems! I hear there’s a whole _ world _ full of them!” Priyanka stood, fuming as she looked down at Connie. “Why are you so set on risking your life for them? Why do you think they need _ you _?”

“They _ don’t _ need me! I NEED THEM!” She shouted back, shocking the room into silence. Her mother sat back down as Connie took deep gulping breaths to steady herself again. She would not cry. “I do. They appreciate me, they value me, but they don’t need me to fight with them. I _ want _ to do it.”

Her parents sat and digested that for a few moments before her father finally spoke again. “Why?”

“I… lots of reasons.” She sighed. “They make me feel like I belong. And I have more gem friends than human ones at this point. I’m good at it, like really _ really _ good at it.”

“She is,” Amethyst said past a mouthful of popcorn. “She can beat Pearl sometimes, and Pearl’s been using swords since before humans even had swords to use.”

“It’s true,” Garnet added. “Nearly six thousand years of humans, and I’ve never seen one take to combat like her.”

Connie stammered, knocked off-balance by their praise. “Th-thank you. Um. I feel like it’s important, too? Gems are coming. There’s more of them every day. They’re not _ invading _, exactly, just living in their own little community. But eventually, someday soon, people--humans--are going to notice. And when that happens, there needs to be people who understand both sides. And when it comes to that, I think even Steven is a little too close to the gems to be completely in the middle. But I won’t be. I could speak for both. And I want to.”

Connie stood stock-still, eyes darting to each of her parents as they silently considered it. Peridot fidgeted nervously next to her, unsure of the consequences if this went poorly.

“Tell us what would happen,” her father finally said, sounding as resigned as he looked.

“Doug!” Priyanka hissed. “You can’t be serious!”

“The girl rides a teleporting pink lion, Priya,” he murmured. “If she’s dead-set, the only way we might be able to stop her would be getting the police involved. So if she’s going to do it, I want to know what that entails.”

“Right.” Connie’s voice was choked. “Um, Peridot? Can you handle this?”

“Oh! Yes, certainly!” Peridot kept fidgeting as she tapped on her tablet. “Let me get my display running.”

Peridot gave the Maheswarans a detailed summary of the procedure. They asked few questions, almost all of them focused on Connie’s health and safety during each part. The only sticking point was the end.

“What happens if she fuses and the gem is damaged or ‘shattered’?” Dr. Maheswaran asked, notepad out and nearly filled.

“She would most likely suffer effects similar to human illness until it could be repaired. If it were shattered entirely…” Peridot paused and grimaced. “I doubt it would be survivable.”

“B-but that’s already true of me now,” Connie interrupted. “I’m vulnerable to a stopped heart or brain damage. If anything, I’d be _ more _ safe as a hybrid.”

“And if the fusion takes at first, then fails somewhere down the line?” Her father asked.

“In that scenario, she would most likely slowly wither until the fusion could be reestablished. And then probably die if it couldn’t.” Peridot tapped her fingers together nervously. “But it’s very unlikely, according to my predictions.”

Her mother stood up. “I’ve heard all I need to. Doug? Outside.”

He followed her quietly, and once they reached the beach, they could be seen arguing with one another. Connie watched for a few moments, chewing on her thumb, until she felt a hand on her back. “You okay?” Steven asked, his voice calm and soothing.

“I’m as good as I could be, I think.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes with one arm.

“I kept your tea hot.” He offered her a mug. “I think you did a good job explaining.”

“Thanks. For both.” She accepted it gladly and took a long drink. Her throat ached from all the talking. “Do you think they’ll be okay with it?”

He frowned. “I don’t know. It’s hard for me to tell how all this gem stuff looks to normal people. And this was pretty wild even by my standards. But whatever happens, I’ll be right beside you. Even if it means running from the cops with Peridot in tow.”

“At least Stevonnie’s a good driver for the getaway car.” She let herself giggle a little, coughing when it upset her throat.

“Eh, I’d just take you to Homeworld. I can put up with the diamonds for a few days if it means getting you to safety.”

She paused. “Steven, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He chuckled. “Then I need to work harder on that.” He pulled the teabag out of her mug and tossed it to Amethyst, who chomped down the refuse with horrifying relish.

Connie sipped her tea in tense silence after that, waiting a quarter hour while her parents shouted at one another on the beach. She was getting used to feeling guilty about wanting this, but that didn’t make it feel better. If anything, realizing how often she’d been feeling it made her feel worse.

But it would all be worth it. When she had her own gem, her own abilities, she knew all the guilt would go away.

Her parents finally trudged back up. The look of defeat on her mother’s face as she entered and began to speak told her all she needed to know. “We won’t try to stop you, Connie.”

“Thank you, mom.” Connie’s voice was tiny. She could barely speak at all.

“You… Peridot.” Peridot stood at attention as Priyanka addressed her. “If you hurt my daughter… if she is anything but healthy and happy when this is over, I will _ find _you.”

“She will have my unending attention,” Peridot promised, her voice just as small. “If anyone can keep her safe, I can.”

“And Connie.” Priyanka sighed. “I don’t pretend to know what this will mean. I doubt you can explain it to me, and I won’t ask you to try today. But once this begins… Connie, we’re not going to be able to take care of you.” She sniffled, and Connie realized with shock that she was starting to cry. She had _ never _ seen her mother cry. Even when she came back from Homeworld and her father had bawled and hugged her tight for hours, her mother’s eyes had only watered.

“What are you saying?” Connie whispered.

“I expect you to wait until school is out for summer, young lady,” her mother said, her voice level despite the tears running down her face. “Because once you start this, I can’t keep you safe. I don’t understand this gem magic. You need to be where you can be safe, and until you’re stable and you know that whatever you’re trying has worked, I’ll have no idea what to do if something happens to you.” She pulled out tissues from her purse and dabbed her eyes.

Her father cleared his throat and took over. “We think, until this is over, you need to stay with the gems. Here, or at their little community. Somewhere people nearby will know what’s happening to you if something goes wrong.”

Connie was stunned. She felt ice in her veins, and her stomach felt like it had dropped down into her shoes. “You’re kicking me out?”

“No!” Her mother sobbed, finally losing her composure, if just for a moment. “Kahaani, we _ love _ you. We just want you to be taken care of, even if we can’t. Once you’re settled, we want you back home with us. And we’ll visit as often as we can, even if we don’t understand what’s happening.”

“We aren’t happy with this, honey,” her father reminded her, his arm around Priyanka. “But… when it comes to this gem stuff, you probably know better than we do. If you trust Peridot, then we trust you. And we know the gems will take care of you. It’s clear that they love you too.”

Dr. Maheswaran looked around, clearly seeking something. “Speaking of which, where is Pearl? She always seemed closest to you.”

Connie’s face fell. “She… doesn’t agree with me doing this. She doesn’t think it could be worth the risk.”

Emotions battled on her mother’s face as she reconsidered everything in this new light. Then her eyes fell back into resignation, and she let out a watery chuckle. “I know _ exactly _ how she feels.” She held out an arm.

Connie rushed forward, and both of her parents enveloped her in a hug. “Thank you, mom and dad. I love you. I promise I’ll be safe.”

“I know you will be.” Connie could hear Peridot squeak from behind her, and smiled a little as she imagined the glare her parents must be giving her co-conspirator.

* * *

The next two weeks were a blur. She was forced to skip a few training sessions to keep up with her schoolwork as the year drew to a frenzied close, but she told herself that once she had a gem, her training would have to be a lot different anyway. That lessened her guilt a bit. Steven kept her updated on the progress as Peridot analyzed the alpha and beta kindergartens for the best potential spot.

Finally, all her projects were complete, her tests were done, and on the last day of school she took a packed suitcase with her, ready to start her summer vacation. Lion was less than thrilled with the extra bulk, but he took her from school regardless, and Steven was waiting eagerly outside when they arrived at the beach house.

“Surprise!” He cheered.

“Steven, I told _ you _ I was coming.” She laughed and bumped his shoulder as she walked towards the house.

“I know, but I’ve still got a surprise!” He grabbed her hand and led her inside. 

The house was… similar? She looked around, and she saw a box on the floor. A second glance made her realize that the living room was a little more sparse than she had previously seen it. Most of the shelves were mysteriously empty.

“I don’t get it, Steven.” She smiled politely.

“It’s all undecorated! For you!” Steven opened the box, and she saw all the stuff from her shelves and walls in her room, all neatly packed. “I talked to your mom, and she brought over all this stuff for you. Since you’re going to be here for the summer, me and dad cleaned up most of the little knick-knacks and junk, and you can decorate it with all your stuff instead!” He beamed. “It’ll be like a little piece of home for you, so you don’t feel homesick so much while you’re here. Do you like it?”

Her heart melted, and she wiped her eyes before tears could fall. She absolutely didn’t deserve him. “You’re the best friend anyone could have, Steven.” She hugged him again, tighter this time. “It’s great. Thank you.”

“Well, let’s start decorating,” he said as he pulled away. “We’ve got half an hour before we meet Peridot. She’s got a few profiles for gems that can be planted within the kindergarten, and wants you to pick one so she can get started. If everything goes well, it’ll be cookin’ tonight!”

She felt a dizzying rush at the thought of trying to pick out a gemstone. Something for her to wear--no, to be _part of her_\--for the rest of her life. She took a breath to steady herself. _Later. That’s later._ “Alright. Um, the folio set of The Spirit Morph Saga should definitely go on display, since it’s so important to us, right?”

He smiled with a shrug. “It’s your room, Connie. Wherever you want it.”

She grinned back. “Alright. There, under the hilt of Rose’s Sword. And the poster of Lisa, hmm…”

She and Steven spent all the time they had preparing the room for her. The box wasn’t quite empty when she was done (her walls at home were _ very _ full, and she didn’t want this place to look cluttered) but the room she was in felt familiar. Not quite home, but very close to it. Somewhere she would feel comfortable.

“Looks good, Connie.” His phone started to chime. “Oh! We’re gonna be late!”

She bit her lip. “But, uh, are you sure? Maybe we could take another few seconds? I think the Last Illusion poster’s a little crooked!”

“Magical destinies wait for no man!” He grabbed her arm and pulled her along up the stairs.

“Alright, alright! Don’t pull my arm off!” She jumped ahead of him, bouncing a little on the warp pad until he sent them off to Little Homeworld.

They didn’t even have to get to the workshop. Peridot and Lapis were waiting for them. Lapis held a tiny version of the injector Connie had seen on the display. “Connie!’ Peridot beamed. “Right on schedule. Are you prepared for our trip?”

“We’re going on a trip?” Connie steadied herself, still shaky from the warp landing. “Uh, why? Don’t you just need to ask me about gems?”

“I’m going to take you to the alpha kindergarten!” She spread her arms wide. “I am told by Garnet that it is important for you to see the site that the gem will be planted, and I am afraid of what she will do if I don’t participate!” She grinned. “So, shall we?”

Steven grimaced. “I guess if Garnet thinks it’s alright. Connie, you might want to brace yourself. It’s not a pretty picture.” He held his arms out and activated the warp before she could ask why.

Connie’s unspoken question was answered the moment they arrived. They landed in a dark canyon, scored with hundreds--no, thousands of holes in the walls. A bitter wind blew lazily through the canyon, laced with the sour smell of unknown chemicals. “_ This _ is a kindergarten?” Even at a near whisper, her voice echoed back to her from the hollow stone walls.

Peridot looked around somberly. “Yes. Kindergartens are bleak, lifeless places. The creation of a gem requires enormous energies. At the moment, we know of no way to create them that does not sap life from the surrounding area, and we haven’t found any way to restore what is lost.”

“How big is this place?” Connie wondered aloud.

“This was the prime kindergarten on Earth. Hundreds of thousands of gems were created here. It would have been a thousand times that if not for the rebellion. Altogether, a surface area of roughly four hundred square kilometers was rendered sterile by the alpha kindergarten.” Peridot sighed. “It’s not nice to think about. Even in the five thousand years since then, life has recovered only the smallest fraction of the outskirts of the impacted area.”

She did the math in her head. “A new gem would add four thousand square meters to that,” Connie murmured.

“I’ve accounted for that,” Peridot said. “I’ve been working to find whatever scraps of life have been left over. This kindergarten was made using older methods, less efficient, and there were small areas within the sterilized sector which still contained some micro-organics and the potential for more life. I have been working as much as possible with Amethyst, Lapis, and Garnet to bring as much of that leftover ‘living’ earth as possible to the injection site.” She sagged a little. “It has been exhausting. But this effort will largely diminish the growth area of the sterilized perimeter. I can do no better. It will still result in the loss of some complex life at the fringes, but I promised I would minimize the impact, and I have.”

“Are you okay with that, Connie?” She felt Steven’s hand on her shoulder, and she closed her eyes.

Her own gem. Her own power. How much was she willing to pay for that? She’d said she wouldn’t let a gem or human give themselves up for her. What about grass? Trees? Bacteria? How much could she take and still forgive herself?

She wasn’t a vegetarian. She could become one, after this, if it would make up for some part of this. But she could do more. 

She’d seen Steven change his age. She could almost certainly learn the same. If even part of her time was spent bettering the world, and this allowed her more time to give, maybe endless time to give, was the price paid worth it?

She decided that it would have to be.

“Show me the injection site,” Connie finally said.

“This way!” Peridot brightened a little as she marched them through the ruined canyon.

As they rounded a corner, Connie saw an enormous mound of earth piled near the canyon wall. It brought her up short. “How did you have time to move all this?” She gawked.

Peridot started ticking off on her fingers. “Amethyst turned into an earthmover, Garnet is very strong, Lapis is an excellent digger, and I developed some transportation robonoids to help us. And also we’ve done almost nothing else for two weeks. Luckily, we do not technically require sleep, so long as we’re not overworked!” Peridot wobbled on her feet a little.

Steven whispered in her ear. “Garnet and Amethyst are sleeping it off at the house.”

Lapis groaned. “Just have her pick, Peridot. I’m _soooooo_ _tired_.”

Peridot led them to a large cleared square on the ground with a terminal set up next to it. “Alright, alright. So, I’ve analyzed the properties of the ground here and the various gem fluid I was able to scavenge from the injectors, and decided that there are three potential gem types that would be most viable.”

Three choices. That wasn’t so bad. She could do this. “Alright, Peridot. Lay it on me.” Connie nodded, full of determination.

“First, there are of course Amethysts. This would be easiest to produce, since they were the principal gem produced in this area. Amethysts aren’t known for having any particular special abilities. They’re strong, big, and relatively easy to make.”

Connie frowned. “I feel like that might be a little weird, especially with Amethyst around.”

“Well… hm. The next one is, er, Rose Quartz.” Peridot drummed her fingers against the terminal.

Connie turned to Steven and was unsurprised to see an unsettled look on his face. He shrugged. “Eh… we could be twinsies?” He cracked a smile, but she saw through it and shook her head.

Peridot nodded. “Alright. I expected that response. In any case, the third one is a Turquoise.”

“I’ve never seen one of those.” Connie frowned.

“You have!” Steven exclaimed. “Or, well, you kinda have. Tanzanite was a fusion between an Adamite and a Turquoise.”

“Indeed. Turquoises are battlefield supports. Their gem weapon generally takes the form of a full-body armor, and they also have the ability to create hard-light panels to block with. In addition, they can warp space in a small area around themselves in a manner similar to Lion, allowing them to trade places with similarly-shaped entities. Typically, a Turquoise would act as a support or escort of a highly-valued gem and would swap places with that gem in combat, using their panels and armor to absorb hits in the place of their escort.”

Connie beamed. “That sounds great! Taking hits is my biggest concern!”

“Well... “ Peridot frowned. “The only problem is that there is a high volume of limonite in the rock here. There are substantial odds of a small or off-color Turquoise as a result. This isn’t quite as bad as it would be, since the gem won’t be producing a normal hard-light form, but it could cause… something. I don’t know what. This is an entirely new procedure.”

“Do you think it will make the gem worse?” Connie asked with a frown. “I mean, reduce its power? Make it unsafe to fuse with?”

“Not likely.” Peridot sat for a moment, running some calculations in her head. “That would be more likely caused by a lack of energy in the surroundings or a flaw in the gem fluid. We’ve gathered a heap of life energy, and I _ don’t _ make mistakes when it comes to analyzing potential gem material.”

Steven chuckled. “Nobody’s questioning your results, Peridot.” He turned to Connie. “Well? What do you think?”

Connie nodded. The decision was easy after all. “Plant a Turquoise, Peridot.” She knelt down and gave her a hug. “And thanks for all the hard work. I really appreciate how much you’re doing for me.”

Peridot blushed at the praise. “I’ll get on it right away!” She exclaimed. And true to her word, she plugged the injector into her terminal and started typing. A blue-green goop began to fill the empty space in the center of the injector, and Connie’s heart jumped seeing it. That was the start of her gem.

“How long?” She asked.

“For just the gem? About 175.2 hours,” Peridot answered without turning around.

“Just _ about _ that long?” Connie asked. She and Steven chuckled. 

“Well, yeah. I can’t be too precise, since the conditions are less than ideal, but that should be pretty close to right. Is that not enough? I can do some more surveys, maybe take another soil sample…”

“That’s plenty, Peridot.” Steven chuckled.

“You guys head back. And Connie, don’t go too far!” Peridot turned to face her as the injector began to drill into the ground. “I’ve still got to make that brain map! We’ve got plenty of work to do!”

“Sure thing!” Connie paused, watching Peridot sway on her feet. “But, uh, maybe get some rest first?” 

“Good idea!” And she fell back against the terminal, already asleep.

* * *

As much as Peridot claimed to need her help, Connie was surprised by how little she had to actually do. For the most part, Peridot put her in a cobbled-together helmet, asked her to do some random activity, and then stared at the resulting printout saying “Hm, interesting” and other meaningless phrases until she decided Connie could go home for the day.

It was frustrating. She wanted to do more, contribute to the work, but ultimately, all she could do was be encouraging and follow directions. The work Peridot was doing was far, far beyond her ken.

By the start of the second week, they’d already dug out a huge chunk of rock which Peridot promised held a freshly grown Turquoise gem. Connie had seen what had once been the mound of fresh living earth nearby, reduced to a pile of barren dust that smelled tainted and metallic. She did her best not to think about the price the Earth was paying to give her a gem, and promised mother nature that she’d plant a tree every week when all was said and done.

Connie had asked why they needed the whole rock, and Peridot had laughed. “Haven’t you seen the holes in the kindergarten walls? Coming out is an important part of a gem’s formation!” Connie didn’t really get it, but she trusted the expert.

Mapping out a facsimile of her brain turned out to be the real sticking point in the operation. It took another week of seemingly mindless repetitive tasks for Peridot--remembering, eating, reading, writing, sometimes even fighting or dancing, all in the too-tight scanning helmet--before the green kindergartner finally, one day, looked at the results, grinned, and said “I’ve got it!”

Connie nearly dropped the helmet. “You did?” She beamed. “You’ve got a full map?”

“Oh, no. That’d take years of research. But we don’t need a full map. We need just _ enough _ of you to function, and I just got the last piece!” She rushed over to a terminal and started typing furiously, running command after command. “Did you know your brain is split into _ two pieces _? It’s ridiculous! They barely even talk to each other! You might as well be two people!”

Connie cocked her head. “Uh… I did know that, yeah.”

“Well, you might’ve _ said _! Here I was assuming that you worked in a sensible fashion. In any case, I can put the pieces together much more properly in the gem.” Peridot giggled to herself, clapping her hands as the screen in front of her processed. It began transmitting the personality matrix into a container of mysterious gem fluid. “It’s not going to be a perfect copy of you--in fact, it’s not even going to be close--but it should contain enough memory and personality that the gem and you will be in perfect sync. It will probably want to fuse right away, if I’ve guessed right. And then… well, then the magic happens!” Peridot bounced on her heels, then rushed away to the back of the massive block of stone to prepare it.

Connie watched the screen in disbelief. Her brain, her mind, was being copied. Had _ already been _ copied, at least in part. She felt like she was floating just thinking about it. “I really thought I’d know when it was done. Like, I’d be able to tell somehow. Feel it.” Her voice sounded far away to her own ears.

Peridot scoffed. “Why would you feel someone detecting a bunch of electromagnetic fields in your head? That’s all a human mind is, really. A bunch of organic matter zapping itself.” There was a loud drilling sound as Peridot created a channel down to the gemstone. “ Any errors? You’ll know, they’re big and red.”

“Nope,” Connie said softly. “Seems like everything’s working, just like you thought.”

“Well, if you want anyone here, you’d better call them. These commands are really pretty rudimentary, since the gem only needs to do one thing on its own. I don’t think it’ll take more than half an hour before it’s ready to emerge.”

“I’ll start sending messages.” She took out her phone, staring at her contacts. Who did she need?

Steven, of course, no question. Garnet, Amethyst. Lapis and Bismuth, if they wanted to come.

Pearl… of course she wanted Pearl there. Even if Pearl disagreed, even if she thought this was awful, Connie still wanted her mentor to see her grow.

Her parents too. She couldn’t keep this from them, either. She wanted them to know it was happening.

She sent the messages off, and within seconds she had replies. Everyone was coming.

She sat back on a workbench and closed her eyes. Her heart pounded and her mind raced. It was too close now, it had come too quickly, and she wasn’t ready. Did she deserve this? Did she want it? Was it all worth it? What was going to happen to her after? Was it right to make a copy of herself, just for this?

On and on her thoughts raged, guilt and fear building up inside her.

Until, finally, she felt someone sit down next to her, felt a familiar hand on hers. She opened her eyes to see him. She swallowed hard, sure he could see the sweat on her face, feel the fear in her heart.

He smiled and said “You’re gonna be amazing, Connie.”

And that was all she needed to hear.

* * *

Her heart still pounded as she faced the block of stone. Fear still gripped her, but excitement too. This wasn’t fate or destiny. She had asked for this. She _ needed _this. All she had to do now was see it through.

Her friends and family stood behind her, watching anxiously. She could hear her mother’s tightly controlled breath. It was very similar to her own. She thought about turning to give them a thumbs up, some show of thanks for their support, but she didn’t know if she’d be able to continue after seeing their worry again. She was quite worried enough as it was.

There was a collective gasp as a silhouette of light appeared on the stone, and she heard Steven’s shield raise behind her as fragments of rock burst forth. A bit of rubble clattered into Connie’s foot, but she didn’t flinch or move away. She wanted to see this.

From the hole, she emerged. With unsteady, shaking footsteps, a teal Connie Maheswaran stumbled out and fell to her knees.

“Oh my god,” her mother whispered from behind. “It’s really her.”

“What--where--how--” The teal Connie shuddered, her form hazy for a moment before she settled, her form including a blouse and skirt Connie remembered wearing a few days before. She looked down at herself, and the human Connie looked too.

The base of her body was light blue, and lines and splotches of dark blue ran over her entire form, thin spiderweb lines in some places and thick blobs of color in others. The gem ran fingers over her arm, up her shoulder, and stopped. The human Connie could see what she’d bumped into. Embedded in her left shoulder was a speckled blue Turquoise gem.

“I’m the gem,” she said, suddenly understanding. Her voice seemed hollow and far off, and she looked up at Connie. There was a question in her eyes.

Connie nodded, dumbfounded. There was only one thing to say. “You want to fuse?”

“Yes. Please.” The gem grabbed her head with both hands. “There’s so much missing...”

Her feet were lead as Connie stepped forward. She held out a hand to herself, helped herself to her feet.

“Dance with me,” the gem asked. Her eyes screwed up, and for a moment her whole body shuddered again. “Please. Quickly.”

Connie took both of her copy’s hands, and started to lead the gem in a simple dance, swaying back and forth to a tune in her head. She closed her eyes and focused. They both wanted the same thing, after all. It couldn’t be too hard. They each had a piece the other needed. If she focused on that, on all the ways they were the same, it would work. It had to work.

Connie knew what becoming light felt like. This time it came slow. The gem glowed, and the light crept across from her copy to herself, engulfing her. She felt the other body flowing over hers, into hers, both of them mixing and combining until the glow faded, and there was only one body left.

One body, with two minds.

* * *

Connie looked down at her hands. They were different. Her deep brown skin was lined, spiderwebs of bright blue light dancing across all the skin she could see. Her hand shot up to her shoulder, and she felt the gemstone there. A broad smile cracked her face for just a moment.

An instant later, her head began to throb like her brain was trying to force its way out through every hole in her head. She tried to speak, but the only thing she could get out was a pained moan. She didn’t understand. What was happening? Her head spun, and she heard cries of alarm from her friends and family as they rushed to her side.

Steven caught her before she hit the ground, and she looked up at him. She had time to moan “Something’s wrong” before a spike of pain in her skull overcame her, and she passed out.

* * *

Connie felt her head incline, and it confused her. She wasn’t doing that. What was happening? She was seeing herself, but she wasn’t teal like before. Her skin looked human. Her hand moved of its own volition up to her shoulder, and she felt her gemstone there. She started to panic. Who was controlling her?

Distantly, she felt a throbbing feeling. Her head was splitting, but for some reason she felt detached. Like the pain in her head was someone else's.

A crack of understanding spiked through her. She remembered emerging. _ She was the gem _. The brain was still in control, but now two Connies had access to it. It was overworked, pushed to the limit, and it was failing. She was falling.

She watched, as if from far away, while her family surrounded her, heard distant cries of alarm. She felt something happening within her, something shutting down, and everything went black and still. She was trapped, scared and helpless, floating in utter darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back again! Cliffhangers, huh. I don't normally do these, but it felt like a very good moment to end on, so I guess for once you get a cliffhanger.
> 
> I originally wanted to put the final sections with the two minds running in parallel in side-by-side columns, but AO3 did not want to participate with that at all. And it probably would've made reading on mobile a hellish experience anyway.
> 
> I don't have too much to say here. This is something of a bridge chapter, detailing all the work that has to be done to do what Connie wants, examining how far she's willing to go to get it, how much she's willing to damage relationships and the world, and whether it's worth it. It's the longest chapter by quite a bit, unless chapter six or the epilogue eclipse it spectacularly.
> 
> Sorry for uploading a little later than normal, but I had to stay late at work today. If you're enjoying the story, please click the buttons, drop me a line, make the Kudosometer rise a little! Like I said before, it doesn't drive me to write, but it does make me very happy to see this story enjoyed by others.
> 
> See you again Friday, October 4th for chapter four!
> 
> Chapter 4: 100% Complete  
Chapter 5: 65% Complete
> 
> edit: small edit for posterity-I changed the name Connie's mother calls her from Kahanni to Kahaani. This was a misspelling on my part, and while it's been pointed out to me before, I initially decided to leave it. But I've had it brought up again, and I'm just going to rectify it this time. This note is just to let the future know that I was dumb and made a mistake. (Kahaani means "Story" by the way. Kahanni, as far as I can tell, means nothing.)


	4. Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie takes her first steps as a hybrid.

Connie suddenly became aware that she was facing herself. Or, at least, a very close approximation of herself.

As she blinked and tried to get her bearings, the other Connie spoke. “Finally, you’re awake!” She sighed with relief.

“Where am I?” She wondered aloud. She looked around, but there was nothing to see. Just black, stretching endlessly outward.

“This isn’t happening out in the world. This is all in our head.” The other Connie tapped her temple. “I need to talk to you.”

“Our… you’re the gem!” Connie gasped. “I fused! _ We _ fused!”

“Mmmhmm.” Her lips quirked up. “Glad I’m as smart as I think I am.”

Connie rolled her eyes. “Funny.”

“Thanks. I had a lot of time to think of it. I don’t think I can sleep the way we are. It’s been boring.”

Connie frowned. “This had better not be a permanent thing. I have enough trouble with _ one _ me in my head.”

“Mmm.” The other Connie nodded uneasily. “Yeah. There’s really only room for one of us. I have this... knowledge, from the gem. I don’t really understand it, entirely. It’s like instinct.”

“So there’s some stuff hard-coded in there.” Connie nodded, rolling with the new info. “That’s useful. What do you know?”

“I’m a copy of you. I’m incomplete, but when we fused, I got some of what I was missing. There’s parts of our brain that I don’t have access to, parts too tied to you for me to reach. So, basically, we’re both a part of us. I’m missing memories, bits of personality. And you can’t reach the gem.”

A thrill of fear hit Connie. “So… I can’t use it?”

“No. But I can.” The other her shifted uneasily. “Connie, we can’t both exist. There can only be one of us.”

The fear grew, became all-consuming. “Excuse me?”

“This isn’t a normal fusion, Connie. Right now there’s me in the gem, and you in the brain. We’re both trying to use all the parts of our brain I don’t have, everything that wasn’t core enough to go in the gem. And it’s not working. We both tried to access motor functions and emotional centers and our brain _ crashed _. If we wake up, it’s going to happen again, and again, until there’s either one of us, or none of us.”

“You want to remove me,” human Connie realized. “Replace me.”

“I _ am _ you,” the gem Connie explained. “It’s like… when you move a file in your computer, it doesn’t really move. All the information is copied somewhere else, and then the original is removed. But it hasn’t changed or been deleted. It’s just in a different place. All the parts of you I don’t have, I’ll move to the gem. Then it’ll just be us. Your personality, my gem access, both of our memories. One Connie.”

“But why can’t you just, I don’t know, push yourself into my brain?” The human Connie hugged herself. “Why does it have to be me? I was here first! Why can’t _ you _ move?!”

“Because I’m the one who can access the gem. Can you instinctively calculate quantum mechanical manipulations in your head to control energy and create hard-light?” She sighed. “Because, somewhere inside me, I know that knowledge exists. I can’t quite understand it or reach it, but I know it’s there. Maybe someday I’ll actually completely understand. But you won’t. Because you won’t have access.”

“Then I have to go.” The human Connie whimpered. “I’m… I’m scared. I’m scared it’ll be like dying.”

“You shouldn’t be,” the gem Connie said soothingly. “When you fuse with Steven, where does your mind go? Do you still exist? Do you think Connie is dead while you’re fused?” Human Connie looked up at her, and gem Connie gave her other self a hug. “You’ll be part of me, and I’ll be part of you. Together, we’ll be something new. Gem and human, together.”

Human Connie imagined taking a deep breath to calm herself. “You’re right. It’ll just be me, but with… extras. That’s what I wanted.”

“The gem won’t do it unless you say it’s okay. We both have to agree. Just like fusion.”

Human Connie nodded and cracked a tiny smile. “Then let’s fuse.”

Gem Connie smiled back at her other self. Somewhere in her gem, consent was received and recognized. Through some magic she didn’t understand and might never understand, pieces of her brain were shifted, moved from wetware to hardware. All the parts that made her _ her _ were moved piece by piece to the gem. Some parts didn’t fit. Some emotions, some functions, just didn’t work the same in the gem, and so those stayed in the brain. But sectors were freed, and she realized she had access to everything.

There was no flash of light this time, no melding of bodies. Each Connie was simply, suddenly, completely alone. Each remembered being themselves, and each remembered being the other. She smiled and hugged herself. Connie was whole again.

* * *

Waking came slow. Connie groaned as her body greeted her with an orchestra of problems. Her muscles hurt like she’d run a marathon while carrying thirty-pound weights in each hand. Her head was pounding. Her stomach churned. Her gem throbbed with--

Despite everything, she let out a weak squeal. _ Her gem! _Her hand trembled with as much excitement as exhaustion as she lifted it to her left shoulder, brushing against the smooth oval stone there.

She looked around. She was in the beach house, in Steven’s bed. It was dark outside, and she could hear snoring. She inclined her head and saw him, fast asleep leaning against the wall. She let out an exasperated breath. Why’d they give her his bed? Now she felt bad.

And he must’ve fallen asleep watching her. She really didn’t deserve him.

...But maybe now she could begin to.

Her eyes drifted over the rest of the room. There was a silhouette in the window, someone else in the room looking out over the sea. She squinted. She knew that figure. Connie called out weakly. “Pearl?”

“Connie?” Pearl turned, shocked to see her awake. “You’re alive!”

“‘Course I’m alive,” she croaked. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Pearl fidgeted as she walked to the bed, wringing her hands. Her voice was barely above a whisper. “You’ve been comatose for hours. Your mother tried everything to wake you, and so did we. You’re feverish, you were spasming, even Steven couldn’t heal you. We thought you might… might not...”

“There were some technical difficulties,” Connie joked weakly. “But it’s okay now. We worked it out.”

“Connie…” Pearl put a hand on her head. “Your fever is still high. You may be delirious.” She looked down at the gemstone in her shoulder. “This isn't healthy. It’s poisoning you, Connie.” Their eyes met again. “Please, be reasonable. Let me help you before this goes too far.”

Connie shook her head as much as she could, barely twitching it back and forth. “This is just part of the price, Pearl. I wanted this. Whatever the turquoise is doing to me, I accept it.”

“At the risk of your life?” Pearl knelt, her voice soft but insistent. “Connie. I’ve trained you since you were just a girl who wanted to play with her friend. I’ve seen you grow and mature and become so brave, so strong! You don’t _ need _ this.”

Connie looked up at her mentor and smiled. “I _ do _need it. It’s going to make me stronger. More like you.”

“Not if it kills you tonight.” Pearl’s hand drifted towards the stone for a moment before she stopped herself. “I can’t just let it kill you.”

“It’s too late anyway, ma’am. Part of me is already in the gem.” She was so tired. Even this short conversation was utterly exhausting. “If you try to force it out, that’ll be it for me. I might be alive, but I won’t be whole.”

“You don’t know that.” Tears ran down Pearl’s face. “Connie, I don’t want to lose you. You mean so much to me. To all of us.”

“I know. I love you too.” She realized her eyes were shut and forced them back open. “I need you to trust me, ma’am. It’s working. Even if it seems like its not. I _ know _ it’s working.” Her eyes drifted back closed, and this time she didn’t have the energy to push them open again. “Please. Just trust me.”

For a few moments, Connie thought she might be asleep. Then she felt a light kiss on her forehead. “I am so proud of you, my star pupil. I’ll try to trust you. But don’t you dare die.”

Connie wanted to promise she wouldn’t. But she fell asleep instead.

* * *

Connie was sick for another week. It felt like she had the flu, with the addition of sudden, blinding pains at random points in her body. She only left the bed to use the bathroom, and even then she didn’t have the strength to stand unaided. She even showered sitting down. It was humiliating to feel so weak.

Peridot analyzed her day in and day out. She rarely left Connie’s side, helped her to the bathroom when she needed it, even helped her eat the first two days when Steven was unavailable. She claimed it was just her duty as a scientist, then claimed fear of Connie’s ‘progenitors’ when that lie didn’t fly. Connie knew she was just being a good friend, and she thanked her for it every day. Peridot was incredibly adorable when she blushed.

Her mother came by every day as well. She couldn’t do more than the most basic of checkups, but she insisted. And even if Connie’s biology was quickly becoming something beyond Dr. Maheswaran’s ability to comprehend, Connie was happy just to have her checking in.

It was weird to use Steven’s bed, but he absolutely wouldn’t consider letting her sleep on the couch bed. “You need to get better, and a soft bed will help,” he had said, and he wouldn’t hear any arguments. She had to admit that she liked it. It was warmer than the couch, and it smelled like him. It was comforting when the pain got really bad.

Peridot informed her that all the pains she was feeling were sudden bursts of transformative energy. “Your whole body is being altered to fit your new gem,” she had said excitedly. “Every particle of you is being replaced by a near-identical facsimile made of light! Organic light! I’m getting to see it in real time, all the changes! It’s absolutely incredible!”

Connie thought it was incredible too, but she wished it wasn’t so painful.

The worst part was her heart. There was a day when she felt a cutting, tearing pain in it, so intense that she passed out in an instant. She came to only a few moments later, terrified and breathing hard, and realized pretty immediately that her heart had probably stopped for a moment. That realization had driven her into a panic attack, rocking on the bed with her legs against her chest, terrified that it was all going to go wrong, that Pearl had been right after all, that she’d made a terrible mistake and it was too late to fix it.

But the feeling passed, eventually. And what could she have done anyway? The die was cast, the way forged. For better or for worse, she had a gem.

Nine days into her recovery, Connie finally woke up feeling… unwell. Not terrible like before. Just a bit blah. She felt weak, but not so weak that she couldn’t stand.

Peridot rushed to her side as she stood up. “Is it time?” She asked, bouncing on her heels. “It’s finished?”

“I think so,” Connie said. She tested her grip and found that her fingers didn’t tremble. But when she looked down at her hands, she saw something wrong. “Peridot!” She said with growing alarm. “What’s on me?”

Connie’s hands and arms were covered in a spiderweb of fine lines. She remembered glowing lights like this when she first fused, in the moments before her brain overloaded, but these lines were the same texture as her skin, and they didn’t glow. They were nearly the same shade as her gem, teal and green and blue. It looked like her arms had been shattered into a thousand pieces, and then someone had repaired her with a blue-green glue.

“It’s called matrix.” Peridot frowned. “I told you the turquoise might be off-color. It looks like the limonite altered the coloring of the gem _ and _ you.”

She followed the lines up the lean, sculpted muscles of her arm, up to her gem, over her shoulder, even down below her nightgown. They were all over. She hobbled into the bathroom, threw off her gown, and looked in the mirror.

The matrix wasn’t just on her arms. It was _ everywhere _. Near the gem on her shoulder there were thick lines and splotches of it, but it extended over every inch of her exposed skin. Even her hair was streaked with turquoise in jagged, unpredictable patterns. The only places left unmarked were her eyes. 

“It’s odd for it to show up so late. Perhaps your exterior was the last thing to change.” Peridot was taking pictures of her with her tablet. 

“Delete those!” Connie hissed. “This is… Peridot, I don’t look _ human _! Steven isn’t pink, his gem doesn’t change how he looks! How do we fix this?”

Peridot blinked. “Fix it? Connie, I barely understand how it happened to _ begin _ with. I can’t _ adjust _how you look with a gem. Some amount of change to your form was bound to occur. And besides, your matrix is great! It’s not completely perfect, but spiderweb matrix is barely off-color! Even when Homeworld was terrible to off-colors, your form would have been completely acceptable!” Peridot grinned.

“Humans don’t have matrix!” Connie snapped.

“Well, yeah. You’re not human.” Peridot shrugged. “You’re a hybrid now! Aren’t you happy?”

Connie looked back at herself. Her eyes found the gemstone in her shoulder, and she reached up to touch it. “I…” Gosh, she was being stupid, wasn’t she? She couldn’t expect everything to just stay the same. She’d accepted a life-changing magic stone and fused with it, pouring who she was into it. Nine out of ten stories would have the protagonist pay some terrible price for that. And she was panicking because she had… what, a tattoo? A very visible, very _ unhidable _ tattoo, maybe. But if someone had asked to trade one of her eyes for a gem, she’d have accepted in a heartbeat. This should be nothing.

“I am. I _ am _ happy.” She looked down at herself. “I’m sorry, Peridot. I just… I panicked.” Connie knelt down to hug her as tight as her tired arms would allow. “It worked!”

Peridot squeaked. “Yes! It appears it did! I’d like to get you down to the full-body scanners to see if there’s any organic matter left, but the fact that you’re ambulatory tells me your energy isn’t being entirely burned on that anymore. It can probably wait a few hours.”

“Who’s here?” Connie asked suddenly. She beamed. “I want to show everyone!”

“Uh, everyone who usually is? Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, of course. Greg has been in and out, as have your progenitors.” Peridot tugged her hand. “Come on! I want them to see the results of my genius as well!”

“Alright!” She laughed. “Let me get dressed.” She went to her suitcase and started picking out clothes. “Oh, and really do delete those pictures of me, or I’ll reformat your tablet.”

Peridot muttered unhappily as she complied.

* * *

Connie stepped lightly down the stairs, careful not to misstep on her weakened legs. The Crystal Gems were arrayed around the table, a board game in their midst. Pearl was across from the stairs, and she saw her first. “Connie!” She shot up, sending pieces into disarray. “You’re, eh…” She trailed off uncertainly. “You look… well.”

“Whoa!” Amethyst said cheerfully. “Did P-Dot have to put you back together up there?”

Connie tried not to wince at the immediate acknowledgement of her new condition. “Nope! I, uh, I guess this is just me now? Peridot says it’s probably permanent.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Amethyst flushed. “I, uh, like it?”

Garnet looked intently at her, considering a moment, then nodded with a smile. “Hm. It’s very gem. It suits you, Connie.”

Steven rushed up the stairs to her, stopping just short of a hug. “Can I see it? Your gem?” He asked eagerly. He alone didn’t seem fazed at all by her appearance.

“Sure!” She lifted her blouse sleeve and showed off the turquoise stone. She hadn’t noticed before how the lines from her body continued onto and over the gem, like it really was a piece of her.

Which, she supposed, it was.

“That’s so amazing.” He lifted a hand to touch it, but stopped short. “Oh. Uh, can I?”

She blushed. “Go ahead.”

She was surprised to find that she could feel his touch, the gem nearly as sensitive as her palms. He was incredibly gentle, barely brushing it, as if he just needed to make contact to be sure it was real. Then he laughed brightly, picking her up in a tight embrace and leaping from the stairs to float down onto the couch with her. “Oh my gosh! It worked!”

She squealed as they fell. “Steven! Careful! I’m still kinda sick!”

“I’m sorry!” He squeezed her tight again before letting her go, sniffling a little as he pulled away. “I’m just… I’m really happy. Happy for you, happy for me, happy for everybody!” He wiped his eyes.

A grumbling Peridot followed them down. “And _ I’m _ happy you finally cleared the stairs. They’re not that wide, you know.” She froze a little as she caught sight of Pearl.

Pearl sighed as the green gem came into view. “Peridot…” She frowned. “I want you to know that I am _ not _ sorry. You took a grievous risk with Connie’s life and harmed the Earth by making a gem, and I think that my reaction was warranted, all things considered. We are _ very _ lucky that your theories were sound.” She shook her head and smiled, a hand on her cheek. “But… well, I can’t say it’s not amazing. And we’ll have so much to teach her!” She beamed even brighter at the thought. “Connie, have you managed to tap into any of the latent abilities of your gem?”

“Uh, does the matrix count?” Connie smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “If not, then no. I’ve mostly been trying not to die while my whole body got remodeled for a week. But I’m eager to start training!” She stood up, adrenaline keeping her legs from wobbling. “If it’s okay, ma’am, I’d like to start as soon as possible!”

Pearl frowned again. “What? No, no, no. You _ just _said you were sick.”

“But I want to get started, ma’am! Steven took years to figure out how to do things with his gem, and I only have until the end of the summer before I have to go back to school!” The thought of going to her senior year looking like this hit Connie, and a bolt of anxiety came with it, but she pushed it down. That was a problem for future Connie, not newly-minted hybrid Connie. She had most of her summer still to go. “And those anti-rebel gems could attack again anytime! I want to be ready to fight when that happens!”

“You were already capable when you had nothing but yourself,” Garnet replied. “As long as you are well, no one will try to stop you.”

Connie frowned. “I guess that’s true…”

“And if you’re anything like Steven, you’re probably mondo tough now,” Amethyst added with a grin, smacking her fist into her palm. “Do we get to beat you up to test that?”

“Amethyst!’ Pearl sighed. “We aren’t_ beating up _ Connie.” She cocked her head in thought. “Though perhaps a controlled experiment might not be _ completely _out of place in the future...”

“Yes! Experimentation!” Peridot crowed. “We have so much to learn about the benefits of hybrid physiology! Steven has higher-than-human durability and strength, but how much of that stems from his gem being a diamond? We’ll finally know!”

Connie shifted uneasily as more and more focus turned to her. “Let’s not get too crazy. I _ was _ basically dying just yesterday. I thought we could start with something low-impact, like how gem weapons are summoned or how to defend yourself when you have a weak point.”

Steven grinned, a twinkle in his eye. “Hey, I have an idea. You think she should rest, but Connie wants to train. So how about I go give her some lessons, and we can have a picnic up by the lighthouse at the same time? I won’t push too hard, she’ll get some useful info, everybody will be happy.”

“I’d love that!” Her heart fluttered a little.

Pearl hummed before nodding her assent. “I suppose that’s acceptable. But don’t go too far. I’m going to call Connie’s parents to let them know she’s on her feet.” Connie grimaced, and Pearl’s eyes widened in surprise. “What, you don’t want me to?”

“No… I just know my family is going to have one look at me and freak out.” She sighed, tracing the matrix on the back of her hand. “Something about not being able to get a job or not being taken seriously.”

“I think they’ll be happy just to know you’re alive and well,” Pearl said with a gentle smile. “I know they’re strict, but they’ve been _ very _ worried this week. And I’ll warn them about your new look when I call so they’re not completely taken by surprise.”

Connie sighed. That was probably the best she could hope for. “Thank you, ma’am.”

Steven was already throwing together a basket of food in the kitchen. “Alright, let’s get going! Garnet said I should wait for lunch, which I guess makes sense now, and I know you’ve gotta be starving too.”

Her stomach grumbled in agreement at the sight of food. “I’d definitely appreciate if we could get to it soon.”

“Then let’s go!” Steven closed the basket, slung it over one arm, and took her hand to lead her out the door.

* * *

Steven busied himself with making a pair of sandwiches, humming their song while he worked. Connie couldn’t help but hum along while she waited.

“So,” he said when the sandwiches were done. “I think we should start where I started. Summoning a weapon.”

She took hers and ate a third of it in one bite, closing her eyes in bliss. A week of bland chicken soup made peanut butter and strawberry heavenly. “Mmm. Um.” She swallowed and choked. “P-Peridot said that turquoise gems generally had armor?”

“That’s right! Tanzanite had hers all over, remember?” He beamed. “I think part of it is based on who you are, but there’s other stuff involved too. My shield is rose-themed, for example.” He summoned it on one arm. “I know mom must have changed it, since it wouldn’t make sense for Pink Diamond. And besides, I know what Pink’s shield looked like.” He summoned the pink polyhedral shield, tessellated shapes forming a barrier between them. “I think I _ could _ change it, if I wanted. I’ve thought about it. But weapons aren’t really my thing, y’know?” Both shields vanished.

“But how do you summon it?” Connie was dead-set on getting to the point. She could figure out the finer details later.

“Uh… so, this is tricky to say, but everyone describes it differently. Pearl said it was hard work and training. Then Amethyst said to go with the flow and believe in yourself. And Garnet talked about some mumbo jumbo with the earth and matter and the universe, and I kinda blanked on that.” He shrugged. “For me, though, it wasn’t any of that. I had to feel protective. When I summon my shield, I just sort of remember all the things I want to protect, and it comes to me.”

She sighed. “So it could be _ anything _.”

“Well, once you get the feeling down, it gets easy after a while. I never really trained super hard to work my shield or my bubble. I just went with my gut.” He thought about it. “Maybe Amethyst was closest after all. Everybody sort of goes with their _ own _flow. I just didn’t realize how different Pearl and Garnet flowed back then.”

Connie wrote that part down. She could work with that. “Well, what about your bubble? When did you first summon that?”

To her surprise, he blushed. “Uh… To protect you?”

If she wasn’t so focused, she would probably have giggled at that admission. “Oh. Really? I guess that explains how little you knew about it.“

“Yep.” He laughed sheepishly. “Same thing, I guess. Protective of you. So, um, for me, I think, it’s all very emotional. But that might be partly because mom was such an emotional gem. She really was the heart of the Diamonds _ and _the Crystal Gems.” He looked off at the ocean, lost in thought.

Connie barely noticed. “So, maybe I just need to tap into my emotions? Figure out what will make me and the gem connect, or something.”

Steven shrugged and turned back to her. “It’s hard to say, strawberry. Speaking of which!” He pulled out a bag of biscuits. “Tada!”

But Connie was already off in her own world, standing up and pacing as she tried to figure out what she could feel to armor herself. “Protectiveness? Maybe, it’s not too different from a shield. But it’s more personal, so maybe it’s security? Self-empowerment? That’s a little figurative, though...”

He deflated a little. “Well… more for me, I guess.”

She glanced at him. “Oh? Um, thanks, Steven. Maybe the sugar will help me think of what to do!” She took a biscuit and went right back into her thoughts.

“Yep. That’s why I brought it.” He sighed. “For the sugar.”

* * *

Connie sat on the patio of the beach house, staring vacantly out over the ocean. 

She’d tried and tried all day long, for so long that Steven had fallen asleep on the blanket, long after the sun went down. But every attempt to discover the secrets of her gem had eluded her. Steven had tried to tell her that she shouldn’t worry, that she had plenty of time to figure things out and he had taken ages to understand anything, but she couldn’t help feeling like a failure. A whole day wasted because she couldn’t control her emotions well enough to make something happen. She had his support, had summoned his shield as part of Stevonnie hundreds of times. She should be better at this.

Her parents had come by, late in the evening when they were both off work. She’d seen the shock when they saw her matrix, had prepared herself for scolding or punishment. But the moment they were told what had happened, there was nothing but love from both of them. She’d sat, frozen in their embrace, while they’d both cried with relief that she was alive and getting better.

And Connie just tried not to cry at her failures.

The guilt was supposed to be gone, wasn’t it? She had risked her life, rallied support from her friends, her family, and now she had a gem. But it was still there, boiling inside her, burning so hot that every breath was painfully tight. Because they’d made all that effort to help her, and now she couldn’t even summon a weapon. She might as well have just stayed a weak little girl for all the good it had done.

It was late. Everyone else was asleep or in their rooms. But her failures just wouldn’t leave her be. She’d tossed and turned on the couch bed, trying to force herself to rest, but it was no good. And now she was stuck, too tired to think of anything else, but too restless to sleep.

How long would it take before they gave up on her? If she didn’t make progress, they’d have to, right? Eventually Steven would have to do more work with the gems, or there’d be another attack, and she’d be left behind again, or brought along just to be there and fail to contribute anything meaningful.

She clenched her fists tight, nails digging in until it hurt. The pain sharpened her mind and woke her up. _ Unacceptable. _

She was desperate. She had a fallback plan, something she’d thought of earlier. She couldn’t summon armor because no one was in danger. If she wanted to learn, she’d need to feel what it was like to _ need _ the armor. She had the desperation, the fear, but nothing to be afraid of. Armor wouldn’t help against a vague fear of being left behind. She needed something real, something immediately threatening.

Her eyes fell down on the grass below.

Maybe she could _ make _ danger.

She was organic light, right? Peridot hadn’t scanned her yet, but it had to be true. So she had to have at least a little extra durability. It wasn’t really that dangerous, but it would certainly _ feel _ dangerous to fall. Even if she was a little hurt, Steven could heal her. And maybe that feeling, the rush of adrenaline and the earth flying up to meet her again, maybe that would spark something, make her armor or make a barrier or make _ anything _ happen, any sign that she wasn’t just a weak human girl with a stud on her shoulder.

Her legs shook as she climbed the railing, the wood creaking ominously under her weight. She shouldn’t stay up here long, but it would just be a moment. She might fear falling, but she was more than brave enough to jump. Her still-weary legs wobbled, and before she could fall, she leapt. 

The ground was twenty feet down, but it felt like she fell in slow motion. Not real slow motion, like Stevonnie could do, just the rush of adrenaline, thoughts racing so quickly that a second could feel like a minute. The wind in her ears, the ground rushing up. It was just like when she fell fighting Tanzanite. She tried to immerse herself in the memory, the danger, the fear, and she pulled at her gem with all her mind, trying everything, begging for anything.

She hit the ground with a quiet thud, a spike of pain radiating up from her feet to ankles, legs, all the way up to her head. She gasped and fell back on her bottom, heart racing as she looked down at herself, praying to see something.

But nothing had happened.

She jammed her finger in her mouth and bit hard to keep from screaming with frustration. What did she have to do? Did she need an opponent? A target? What was the secret, what was the magic word to finally have something to show for all her sacrifice? It clearly wasn’t leaping from the balcony like a loon. What a stupid thing to do. What had she been thinking? Idiot, idiot.

She curled her legs up to her chest as the guilt boiled over. It was overwhelming. All this risk and nothing to show for it but aching legs. She pushed to her feet, wobbling with exhaustion as she brushed the grass from her gown. It hurt to walk, but only a little. Nothing was sprained or broken. At least no one but her would know. She honestly didn’t know if she could take it if someone had seen her stupid stunt.

She opened the door silently and gently closed it behind her. Then she fell into bed, pressed her head to the pillow, and let her guilt lead her into nightmares.

She deserved no better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Sorry for leaving you in a dark place like that. I'll be honest: after the news about the "limited epilogue series" today, I wish I had a happier moment to end upon. But this is the way it goes.
> 
> This is Connie's lowest point. She's risked everything for a chance at the strength to stand with her family, and when it doesn't come right away, the feelings of self-hate that she'd bottled up come roaring back with an abiding vengeance. It's a classic case of attacking the symptoms of a problem instead of the root. She feels bad because she's not strong enough, so she tries to get stronger. But once she has it, there are always gaps that haven't been filled, places she knows she can improve, and through those cracks, her anxiety and guilt breach again, all the worse for being ignored so long.
> 
> If only someone could help her, hmm?
> 
> Gonna leave it here for today and get back to trying not to cry at the news that the series is almost certainly ending soon. Cheer me up with the buttons under here if you're enjoying the story, will you? I'd really appreciate the pick-me-up.
> 
> I'll see you October 11th with chapter five.
> 
> Chapter 5: 100% Complete  
Chapter 6: 30% Complete


	5. Conversing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven have a talk about strength.

Connie took a deep breath of mountain air and waited impatiently, legs crossed and eyes closed in an attempt at meditation. She’d accompanied Steven to the Sky Spire (“Gems used to go there to think, so maybe it’ll help you clear your head?”) but just like every other day this week, no matter where she trained or who she trained with, her efforts had been an utter failure.

She shifted uncomfortably, peeking with one bloodshot eye. Steven sat a few feet away, meditating calmly. She couldn’t imagine what he was thinking about. Maybe he was trying to figure out how to break the news to her that she was nothing special. 

She’d been working day in and day out, training her body and emotions every moment, struggling to make a breakthrough. But nothing had happened. She’d taken a few hits, enough to know that she had at least some extra durability from being ‘organic light’ like Peridot said. But that was it. Her strength was still the same as it was before she’d been a hybrid. She’d tried shapeshifting, weapon summoning, the warp swap thing, lifting weights, making the barrier panels she was  _ supposed  _ to have… nothing. Her gem didn’t so much as flicker. For all the world it looked like she was just the same girl as ever, just with an extra full-body tattoo that caught stares from everyone who saw her, and maybe the ability to take a few extra lumps.

She’d trained every waking hour and long into the nights, unable to rest without seeing some sort of progress. If she was honest with herself, part of the reason she was peeking at Steven was that if she didn’t open her eyes every so often, she’d probably fall asleep from exhaustion.

But for now she was meditating at Steven’s request. Which basically meant she was waiting for him to be willing to move on. She shifted uncomfortably and cleared her throat.

He was mercifully observant, opening his eyes. He looked a little sad. “Still nothing, huh?”

“Nothing,” she confirmed gloomily. “Can we try something else?” An idea sparked in her head. “A spar, maybe?”

He grimaced uneasily. She looked terrible, she was certain, her eyes shot through with red lines to match her blue, and deep dark circles beneath them. Not to mention that she hadn’t exactly been diligent in taking care of her hair. In any case, he eventually nodded. “Alright. But nothing serious. Just some light practice.”

“Great!” She got up slowly and drew her sword out of her bag. “Just a couple of rounds. I just had an idea, okay?”

“Right.” He summoned his shield, and they stood across from each other on the walkway, the pool around them reflecting the warm blue sky like they were standing on the air.

She struck first, striking for his shield, making a noteworthy attack to draw him off. She needed him to feel serious. After a few simple strikes--acrobatics were out of her reach at the moment--she jumped back, trying to look like she was regrouping.

She knew how Steven fought, and as she dropped her sword for a moment, a clear opening, he saw it and took it. The shield flew from his hand towards her. She saw it, just as she expected, but she kept her sword down. Instead, she closed her eyes, bracing herself for the hit. She tried to feel the danger, the rush of adrenaline, and she put a hand on her gem, praying for armor to block the coming blow.

But nothing happened. No armor, and for that matter, no hit. She opened her eyes, and the shield had disappeared. And Steven was  _ mad. _

“What the heck was that?” He demanded. “You were just gonna let me hit you?”

She flushed. “I--I was hoping, you know… if I was in a little danger...”

“No, no. I get it.” He crossed his arms. “Spar’s over, Connie. I’m not just going to smack you around. And honestly, I’m kinda upset you tried to trick me into it.”

She let out an exasperated sigh and rubbed her face. “No, no. I know. You’re right. I’m sorry. I should’ve just asked.”

“No! You should not have just asked, either! It’s not--” He cut himself off, trying not to yell, and started over with a lower tone. “It’s not  _ healthy, _ Connie. You look like you died last night and then got up anyway. I shouldn’t have agreed to fight at all. I think...” He sighed. “Strawberry, we need to talk.”

She bristled a little. “Steven, I know what you’re gonna say--”

He continued on like she hadn’t spoken. “You’re tired. You’re working yourself to the bone. I think you need to face the truth, Connie. My gem powers didn’t come just because I worked hard and wanted them to come, and I don’t think yours are going to either.”

Her temper rose. “I know  _ yours _ didn’t come that way, Steven, but I don’t need to expect the exact same--”

“I think you need to cut back. You need to rest and relax and get in a good head space. And besides, you’re only a little less capable in fighting!” He held his fingers a tiny ways apart. “I get it, really, but you’ll learn eventually. You’ve got a gem now! Is being just a  _ little bit _ behind for a while honestly that bad?” He tried a smile, hoping to win her over.

And looking at his honest, caring,  _ belittling _ smile, something buried deep, deep inside of Connie snapped.

“Oh, would you just  _ shut the hell up _ , Steven?!” She shouted at him.

“I--you--Connie!” He blurted, completely shocked.

“No! My turn!” She yelled back. “Do you really think I don’t remember how  _ you _ fretted and whined about not being able to keep up with the gems? How you didn’t wanna be treated like a little kid? And now you think you’re entitled to turn and look at  _ me _ and say ‘Oh, no, it’s not  _ that _ bad to feel like a sidekick.’ When you cried and whined and threw fits? No! You do not get to judge how  _ I _ decide to feel about  _ my _ gem,  _ Biscuit! _ ”

His eyes went a little wide. “Uh, Connie, maybe you should--”

“Nope! Still talking!” She growled, pacing a little. “You forgot, huh? You’ve got all your  _ powers _ and your  _ status _ and  _ destiny _ , but even with a gem all I get to be is a girl with a sword, just like always! It’s not fair! I work and I work and I work, and if you get to be a hero, I should too! I don’t want to settle for just being your  _ sidekick! _ ”

He stammered. “But Connie, you’re totally a hero!”

“Oh, like I look like anything compared to  _ you _ ,  _ Steven _ . The hero, the savior, the conquerer of diamonds, and yet half the gems we meet still think  _ I’m  _ some weird  _ pet _ you like to take around with you! And now, on top of  _ that _ all the  _ humans _ can barely even tell I’m one of them! I’m sick of it, Steven!” She glared up at him as he approached, concern in his eyes.

“Connie, you need to calm down. You’re acting like--”

“Don’t you  _ dare _ tell me I’m being a kid! I work hard and I train every day and I’m totally in control of my own life! I am NOT a little girl anymore, Steven!” Her voice came out as a squeaky whine, and she stamped her foot.

“Uh… Could’ve fooled me?” He pulled out his phone, opened the selfie camera, and turned it so she could look up at herself.

Wait.  _ Up? _

A bolt of shock hit Connie as she saw herself in the phone. Oh, it was definitely her, matrix and all. Exactly as she’d looked, oh, maybe eight years ago? Her teenage-size clothes hung loose on her tiny frame, and she squeaked with fright. “I’m de-aging? I’m a kid! No!” There was another little glow, and she shrunk even more, down to kindergarten age. Her gem felt massive on her little shoulder. “Steven! I don’t wanna be a baby!” Her emotions suddenly seemed huge, impossible to handle. Tears started to stream down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, I was trying to tell you! But it’s okay. Hold on.” He sat down with her, getting on her level. “It’s alright, Connie. Take a deep breath. Something like this happened to me once, remember? You, um, your age is kinda just a reflection of how old you feel.”

It was hard to calm down when she felt so small and helpless, but Steven’s soothing voice helped. She hiccuped a little. “But I feel tiny.”

He chuckled nervously, hesitating as he chose his words with care. “Well, yeah, you’re pretty small! You, um, just need to remember yourself. You feel like you’re a kid, so you turned into one. But you know who you are, right? You’re Connie Maheswaran. You battled a galactic empire. You’ve fought monsters and rescued people. You’ve rescued  _ me. _ Does that sound like stuff a little kid could do?” He reached out and squeezed her hand.

She glowed a little, growing bit by bit. “N-no.” She sniffled. “I’m not a kid.”

He beamed. “That’s right. You’re a hero. You’ve been acting like an adult for years. You’re just having a bad day. But that’s alright. One bad day doesn’t have to define you.”

“Right.” She took another deep, calming breath. She focused on her memories as an adult. The places she’d seen, the things she’d done. Every hard decision she’d had to make. And when she opened her eyes again, she was back to her normal half-inch taller than Steven, and the face she saw on the screen was the one she expected.

“Well.” Steven let out a sigh of relief. “That was an adventure.”

“Yeah.” She sunk to her knees, hugging herself tight, and giggled hysterically. “Oh, gosh. That was… I have gem powers! Age powers! I can control my age, kinda!”

“Well, yeah,” Steven said weakly. “I figured you would eventually.”

“But this was so different.” She sniffled, giggles subsiding, and wiped her face.. “Steven… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I’m just so frustrated.”

“Connie, it’s…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “Well, no, it’s  _ not _ okay, is it?” He shuffled to sit next to her and weaved his fingers in with hers. “I think we  _ really _ need to talk. How long have you been holding all that stuff in?”

Her chest tightened. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Yeah, I can tell.” He wrapped an arm around her. “So let me make it a little more appealing?” He turned to look at her, his eyes asking permission.

“If you’ve got a way to make it more appealing, I’m all ears, Biscuit.” She flushed, shame and guilt battling within her. “I--I shouldn’t have called you that when I was mad, by the way. It’s a nice name. I shouldn’t mess it up. I used jam bud stuff as an attack, and I’m sorry.”

His shoulders tensed for a moment as he remembered it, but he let the tension pass. “No, it wasn’t nice at all. But I forgive you, Strawberry.” He hugged her with the arm around her shoulders. “So… when I was first learning, I had a lot of emotional junk to work through. One time it was so bad that one of the powers I already had stopped working.”

“Your healing saliva. I remember.” She followed the train of thought to the realization station and groaned. “ _ Oh. _ ”

“Yeah.” He chuckled sympathetically.

“Agh! I’m such an idiot!” She bonked her head on her knees. “You’ve been trying to get me to meditate and clear my head, and I’ve just felt like it’s a waste of effort, but you were right the whole time!”

“Well, maybe your gem doesn’t work quite the same. Maybe it’s activated by math problems or something. I really don’t know, Connie. But I do know for sure that gem or no gem, you’re hurting.” He rubbed her back, teasing out knots of tense muscle. “And you’re hiding it, and I get that, but I don’t like it. And I wish you would just talk to me about it.”

“It’s not easy to talk about,” she muttered, tensing even as she relaxed. “Especially with you.”

“But you’re not going to be happy until you do. It doesn’t matter if you get every gem power in the world. You won’t be happy holding this in.”

“I mean, I think I was pretty clear before.” She laid back to stare up at the cloudy sky. It was easier to talk if she didn’t see him. “It’s hard to try to live alongside you, Steven.”

He hesitated a moment, and he was quiet as he asked “Do I  _ make  _ it hard for you?”

He was already trying to take the blame on himself again. Just like always. More guilt weighed on her, and she forced herself to speak through it. “No, Steven. Honestly, if it was someone less perfect than you, I think I would’ve given up a long time ago. You make it worth the effort.”

“Then what’s wrong? What’s so hard?”

She sighed deeply, gathered thoughts that had been swirling in her head for what felt like eons, and began to let them go. “It’s like… at first, when I first learned the sword and you were learning with me, we were running together. But somewhere along the way I looked up and you were out of sight. And I’m running and running and following your footsteps, but no matter how hard I run you’re always on the horizon, close enough to see but out of my reach. And I’m so tired. I want to run next to you with all my heart, Steven, but no matter what I try, it feels like I just can’t catch up.”

He listened patiently, making sure he was finished before he replied. “But  _ why? _ Why is it so important to you to fight as an equal?”

“I…” For a moment, she was at a loss. “It’s not just fighting though. It’s everything. You’re an amazing magical person. You have so much power, not just from magic or your gem but from how much everyone listens to you. You have the Diamonds at your beck and call. I think you own the planet we live on, as far as the gems are concerned. It’s hard to feel like anything next to that.”

“Connie, when have I ever treated you as anything less than equal? I…” He squeezed her hand tight, tight enough that it might have been painful had she been only human. “I know I made mistakes. Tried to protect you, tried to protect everybody. I was trying to be so selfless that it came right back around to selfish. But I never thought you were less than me, Connie. I just didn’t want you hurt.” He rolled over, and she couldn’t stop herself from turning her head to meet his eyes. “I never,  _ never _ felt like you were anything but equal. Do you think I treat you like that?”

“No.” Her reply was automatic. She didn’t have to even consider the possibility. “You treated me like I was special, even when I was nobody.”

He shot up, eyes fierce. “You were  _ never  _ nobody, Connie! I really thought you had learned by now! You didn’t become somebody when I gave you mom’s sword. You didn’t become somebody when you got your own sword, either! Saving me, fighting the diamonds, getting a gem, none of those things could ever make you special, Connie. Because you were already special.” He took her hand in both of his and clasped tight. “No one in the world should feel like there’s some magic  _ thing _ they can do that will suddenly make them worth something. You’re worth everything because you’re alive and aware and unique. Isn’t that enough reason?”

“It doesn’t feel like it.” She looked away.

“Then what does?”

She frowned as she thought about it. “I think you do? Like, you telling me I’m good. That I matter.” She slid her arm along the ground, reaching out to trace her fingers over the placid water of the pool. “But then I remember how much better you are, and there’s just… guilt. So much guilt. For not being good enough. Or strong enough. For not keeping up.”

For a few moments, they sat in silence while Steven thought carefully about what to say. “When we were kids--I mean, we’re still kinda kids, but work with me here--and you were learning the sword with Pearl. You were really my equal then. I felt like I barely had any power, and you were amazing. The way you grew so fast, turned into a warrior before I could believe it. I looked up to  _ you _ for a while. I thought you were the most incredible person I’d ever met.” He paused. “Was that ever enough?”

“There were… moments. When it was enough.” She stirred her hand deeper into the water. “But then I looked up to Pearl, and I--” She stopped herself suddenly, reality washing over her in a cold rush. “It’s  _ never  _ going to be enough, is it?”

“My dad used to say ‘You can’t get anywhere running on a treadmill’ when I used to get super down on myself for not having gem powers.” Steven chuckled and shook his head. “I mean, back then I thought he was just making excuses for not exercising. But I think he was right. You’re never going to get to some magical amount of strength and then realize, ‘Oh, I’m happy now.’ You’ll just work and work harder and harder until you can’t advance no matter how hard you push. And even then you won’t be happy.” He sighed. “You just have to learn to be happy with who you are. That’s all there is.”

She covered her eyes. “I need therapy.”

He laughed gently. “I think we all do, Connie. But this seems like the kind of thing that you  _ really _ need it for.”

She swallowed hard. “Do you… do you think I messed up?” Even when she was thinking about it, recognizing it as a problem, the hot, black guilt still bubbled inside her, thick in her throat. “I risked my life, I harmed the Earth, made Peridot and everybody run around to help me, and… what for?”

“To be a hybrid?” Steven sat back up, giving her an incredulous look. “Connie… I’m  _ not alone.  _ My best friend in the whole world risked everything to be like me. Do you know what that means to me? How incredible that makes me feel?” He knelt next to her and pulled her up to sit across from him, meeting her eyes again. “Yeah, your reasons weren’t perfect. Maybe they were even bad, and that’s worth talking about. But pork chops, hotdogs, you know the saying.” He held her hands, eyes sparkling inches from hers. “What matters is what you  _ did _ . And what you did was unbelievable.”

“Th-thank you.” She blushed fiercely, heart pounding as she pulled away a little. “I had more reasons than just strength to want to be like you, you know.”

He looked very mildly disappointed as she pulled back, but he leaned back as well. “Yeah?”

“So… I want to be your partner in everything, you know.” This was the closest she’d ever come to this issue, and her face burned just talking around it. “And I don’t have a lot of, um, partners to look up to. Rose and Pearl, Garnet and… Garnet. And tons of fantasy stories, because I still have more books than friends.” 

“To be fair, you have a  _ lot _ of books.”

“I know I do,” she admitted with a giggle. She traced a finger on the matrix adorning her legs, looking anywhere but at him. “And, um, partners always seem more fulfilling when they’re together, fighting together and just existing as partners all the time. And I’ve seen stories where one person in the rela--the  _ partnership _ just isn’t the same. No magic or science or whatever makes the first one special. And they’re so, I don’t know, unfulfilling. There’s always some happenstance that pulls the  _ sidekick _ away so the  _ hero _ can fight alone. And that’s so degrading!” She balled up her hand into a fist. “So… I decided I didn’t want it to be me. If I can’t be completely by your side, partners in everything, then what’s the point?”

“Connie…” Steven shook his head. “That’s honestly one of the silliest things you’ve ever said.”

She choked. “Excuse me?”

“Life isn’t a book, Connie.” He shrugged. “I mean, seriously. Think about all the couples we know. Lars and Sadie? Rock star and a space pirate turned baker. My mom and dad? Super in love, and my dad couldn’t take on a gem to save his life. And what about your parents? Do you think they shouldn’t be together at all because they work in different places and work at different times and they don’t get as much time as they want together? Is it perfect partners or nothing?”

“I mean… that’s different, though.” She frowned. “They aren’t like us.”

“Alright, then. Mom and Pearl.” Steven shook his head. “Pearl is deadly and super well-trained, but mom was a Diamond. Pearl couldn’t keep up with her! Even Garnet told me that. Pearl would throw herself at things mom could handle just to prove she could, and sometimes she got hurt doing it. And I’m glad you don’t do that!” He held his hands up. “Don’t get me wrong. Please do not start doing that.”

“I won’t.” She giggled sheepishly. “I learned that lesson a long time ago.”

“But the point is, the only couple we know in real life who are the way you say are Ruby and Sapphire. And even they’ve started taking breaks from one another so they can be their own gems. There’s no partnership where both sides are so equal that they’re always exactly as capable and doing exactly the same jobs and everything in perfect sync. Not even Garnet.”

“I guess that’s true.” She bit her lip. “There was one other thing I wanted, though. Something, um, kinda hard to say.” Connie swallowed something bitter in her throat. “Have you ever thought about how long you’ll live, Steven?”

His breath caught for a moment. Then Steven let out a long, slow sigh. “I have... thought about it.”

“Because, as I accidentally demonstrated, your age is tied to your mental state. And most humans, they reach maturity and they feel like adults, and they don’t start feeling older until their bodies start to go out and  _ make  _ them feel older. But… there’s no reason that would happen to you.”

“We don’t have to tiptoe around it, Connie.” He closed his eyes, face clouded with grief he’d never felt yet, but knew was coming as sure as winter follows autumn. “Humans live short lives compared to gems. A hundred years, maybe, when Pearl has been alive at least a hundred times that, and Garnet maybe even more, and who even knows about the Diamonds! And... it looks like I’m most likely going to be more on the gem side when it comes to that.” He looked at her. “And you were human. I think I had accepted that.”

“But I  _ didn’t, _ ” she insisted, putting a hand over her heart. “I don’t know if I could ever accept--if I could bear to break your heart like that. I would’ve done anything to stop it.”

“And now you’re like me,” he murmured. “I’ve realized it, Connie, of course I have. It makes me so happy that I’ve cried just thinking about it. When you finally got out of bed and you were healthy, I almost couldn’t keep myself together.” He smiled at her, so honest and full, and took her hand. “I know there’s going to be hard times eventually. For me, and I guess for you now too. But the hardest thing for me was always going to be losing you. And now I don’t have to.”

Connie let out a sound somewhere between a sob and a laugh. She was crying again. “You’re gonna make me turn back into a kid making me cry like this, Biscuit.”

He laughed with her, tears running down his face too. “Crying is a very grown-up thing to do, Strawberry. More grownups should learn that.”

She hugged him tight and kissed his tear-stained cheek. “I think you have a lot to teach me, Steven.”

“Then it’s a good thing we have plenty of time together.” He hugged her right back.

They held each other for a while before finally settling down together again. “So, Connie, what are we going to do when we get back?” Steven asked with a teacherly air.

“I’m gonna talk to mom about finding a therapist. And maybe talk to Pearl too. Find some way to work through my feelings.” She nudged him. “And we’re going to make an actual training schedule, together.”

“Including days off and downtime,” Steven agreed, smiling gently. “You should definitely keep working, but you’ve gotta destress. And I’ve got all summer to teach you how.”

“Sounds like a full day to me.” She touched his hand, swirling a finger on the back of it as she worked up one last burst of courage. “But… before we go. Um. Out of curiosity. What kind of partners do  _ you  _ think we are?”

“Is that a trick question?” He laughed. “We’re together, right? We love each other.”

Her brain went fuzzy for a moment. “We--we are? But, we don’t… We don’t do…”

“Take a second. I’ll wait.

“Steven! This is a serious discussion!” She bolted to her feet. “Why don’t we go on dates, then?”

Steven was nonplussed. He cocked his head. “We go out together, like, all the time, Connie. We spend most of our free time together. People  _ expect _ to see you with me. What do you mean?”

She pulled at her hair. “No! Like, going to dinner! Alone! With no one else, with advance planning, with a romantic inclination!”

“We have dinner together all the time, too.” He smiled a little more. “Those don’t count?”

“No! They’re unplanned!” Connie groaned in frustration. “You can’t be serious. How could I have missed this? How long do you think it’s been romantic?”

“Hmm…” He tapped his chin. “Hard to say for sure, but definitely at least a year, since before Spinel. That’s when you first kissed me. That kinda made it a sure thing to me.”

“A  _ year?  _ But that was a baby step!” She paused. “Which… you’ve reciprocated. Often.”

“Mmmhmm. Because, you know, you’re my girlfriend.” He laughed brightly. “You really didn’t know?”

She flushed. “I thought there’d be a big speech, and we’d talk about our feelings, and you’d ask me to date you officially, and… ugh, why is all of my romantic knowledge from tropes and not from real life?!” She groaned again, running a hand down her face as she tried to parse this. “So… you’re my boyfriend.”

“I really  _ hope _ I am. Because I love you a lot.” He beamed up at her.

“And… I love you too.” She smiled shyly. “And we should say that more. Because I want to hear it. And I want to say it, too. Because I’ve loved you forever, and I always want to.”

“I will say it as often as you want to hear it.” His grin was so bright she could mistake it for a second sun.

“And, while we’re talking about us… I would like more kisses. And sometimes on the lips. In public, or in private, or wherever.”

He stood up. His smile could almost certainly be hooked up to a Dyson sphere and power the Earth for a million years every second. It was nearly leaking off the sides of his face. “Just, whenever I want?” He asked with building excitement. “As often as I want?”

“Well, within reason, but--” But whatever conditions existed had to wait, because Steven could not wait another instant. He wrapped her up and kissed her full on the lips, too eager to be anything but sloppy and silly. Connie squeaked with surprise, her heart and mind racing with all the tips and tricks and scenarios she’d read about, thought about, everything she’d done to prepare for this very second…

And then everything melted away and she did what came naturally. It was so much easier than she expected. Arms there, lips there, hands wherever felt right, pulling closer and closer--

And then Stevonnie blinked. “Oh. Right. Fusion.” They giggled a little, giddy from the way they had fused. They were an experience, and right now they were the experience of Steven and Connie loving one another, loving being together, and the twin currents of it raced through them, filling them to the brim.

“Steven loves Connie. Connie loves Steven.” They laughed with joy and hugged themself as tears fell from shared eyes. “I love me. I  _ am _ love.”

And Stevonnie suddenly knew how Garnet could stay fused for thousands of years. They’d never been an experience this  _ good _ before.

Then they let out a massive yawn. “Oh, wow. How the heck is this our  _ average _ tiredness? Did Connie not sleep for the whole week? Pretty much, I guess.” They rubbed their neck sheepishly. “Well, let’s get me home, then. I think rest is probably the best thing for Connie right now. Calling Dr. Momheswaran can wait for tomorrow.” They reached out for Connie’s bag, only to catch sight of their hand.

The matrix was there. They hadn’t looked all over, but from their hand and arm, it looked like it covered Stevonnie just like it covered Connie. But the color was different. The turquoise blue was mixed with lines of bright pink, mixing into every shade between.

They felt a burst of guilt from Connie, and for a moment it threatened to split them. “Oh! That’s… I’m sorry, Steven. I guess we look like this together now, too.” Stevonnie shook their head, banishing the bad feelings and bringing themself back together. “What? No! It’s awesome! It looks totally cool! Like I’m overloaded with power or something.” They ran a finger down the lines on their arm. “Garnet’s right. It’s really... gem. And I’m twice as gem now, right?” They bared their shoulder to look at the turquoise there. “So maybe it’s good to look like it. Maybe it’s good for Connie to look like it too.” 

They sighed. “That’s really sweet… Oh, now I really wanna kiss Steven again. But if I defuse, Connie will still be exhausted. Mmm…” They let out a frustrated little groan. “Alright! Home first. Then defuse. Then kiss. Then sleep. We are the best at planning!” Stevonnie let out a little whoop, then took a running leap off the spire, floating towards the warp pad home.

* * *

Connie had nearly forgotten how tired she was by the time they warped back, but the moment they defused, it hit her full-force. “Oh, there we are,” she said, yawning and sagging as she stumbled off the pad.

“Good heavens! What happened out there?” Pearl asked with alarm from the kitchen.

“Nothing happened, ma’am. We just talked, mostly. I just haven’t been sleeping like I should.” She stumbled on the stairs, but Steven caught her before she could fall, and she gave him an exhausted smile. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He put a hand on her waist, making sure she was steady before letting go. “You go nap. I’ll start working on a schedule, okay? We can finish together when you wake up.”

“Thanks, Steven.” She bit her lip, hesitating a moment. “Love you.”

He beamed and leaned in for a kiss. “I love you too!” She giggled, enjoying the moment. Could it have always been this easy if she’d just asked?

From behind her, she heard whistling and a squeal of joy. She turned to see Amethyst grinning, giving her two thumbs up, while Pearl beamed with her hands clasped over her chest. She blushed as she hurried to the stairs. “I’m going to borrow your bed for a nap, Steven.”

“I’ll get you up in a few hours. Have a good nap!” His smile was the last thing she saw before she headed up.

“So, Ste-man. Exciting day?” She faintly heard Amethyst ask casually.

“Huh? Don’t know what you’re talking about.” Connie could imagine his grin as she flopped into bed. “We just talked.”

She slept with a smile on her face.

* * *

Then she woke, as if no time had passed. She groaned and rubbed her eyes.

“Oh!” Steven rushed over from his desk. “You’re up!”

“I’m  _ awake, _ ” she corrected. “I’m not up. Were you watching me sleep, Steven?”

“No! I just came up here because my desk is up here. I was working on a training program that won’t include you dying from not sleeping for two months.” He smiled sheepishly. “Though you are pretty cute when you sleep.”

She yawned. “Thank you, I guess? I needed it.” She gave him a tired smile. She wasn’t quite recovered, but the nap had taken the edge off her exhaustion. “So, what’s got you so excited? Just eager to work on scheduling?”

“No, it's actually pretty boring. Maybe it’ll be better with you? But I wanted to try a training exercise!”

She raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you think that’s a little hypocritical?”

He shook his head. “It’ll just be a couple of minutes, just to test something. So, we can fuse, right?”

“I am aware of that fact.” She pushed herself up to sit on the edge of the bed.

“Well, Stevonnie has a lot of experience doing gem stuff! And they should have all the same powers you do. So maybe Stevonnie will have better luck trying it, and then you’ll remember how it was done when we defuse so you can do it!”

She blinked. “Steven, that’s a great idea!” She jumped to her feet. “Why didn’t we think of this before? Of course we can do better together! We do  _ everything  _ better together!”

“We’re not going to try all night,” he warned. “We’re just gonna fuse, try for a few minutes, maybe fifteen at most, then back to resting. I don’t wanna be a bad influence when you clearly need good ones.”

She felt a rush of shame at the implication that she’d so easily fall back, and she shut her eyes tight. But he was probably right, wasn’t he? She probably would, clearly she had before, and--

She felt warm arms around her, squeezing her tight. “It’s just a thought,” he murmured. “Let it go.”

And she did. She anchored herself to him. “My hero.”

“And you’re mine.” He picked her up with a laugh, and they giggled together, twirling until two voices became one.

“Alright! Fusion practice,” Stevonnie declared. They rushed down the stairs, ducking to miss the ceiling as they ran past all three of their parents and the gems gathered in the beach house. “I’ll be right back, everybody! I had a great idea I want to try before dinner!”

“Good luck, Stevonnie.” Garnet threw a grin their way as they opened the door. “Try the bubble first.”

“Will do!” They tossed up a peace sign before leaping down, floating onto the beach.

They took a breath. Steven took point in their mind, but instead of letting him do his thing, this time the Connie half of them tried to help, hoping to understand what was happening when they formed their bubble. 

It was instinct, for sure, a deep need to protect, and below that a  _ love _ that was pure and perfect and incredibly Steven. He protected, and he did it because he loved, loved himself and Connie and all the gems, loved everything. That was the deep, inner purpose of the pink diamond. It was made to cherish and love. No wonder Pink had rebelled.

The bubble formed, but not as it was before. Just like Stevonnie themself, it was shot through with teal lines, and it was… different. Thicker, maybe. Even without testing, they felt like it was stronger.

_ That’s because we both get to add to it now. _ They thought it together, and it sent a thrill throughout them, the new level of unity they could share and Stevonnie could exist in.

Connie led them in thinking of what a turquoise would need to think, how they’d need to be.  _ It’s not a shield for love. They’re support gems. They have a person to guard, a specific one. _

Steven silently agreed.  _ Then maybe you need to guard someone other than yourself? Maybe that’s where we’ve gone wrong. You’ve been doing this alone, just trying to protect yourself. _

_ But we’re both in here now. Together. I protect you by protecting us. _

They could feel his smile.  _ You always have. _

Stevonnie imagined Tanzanite in front of her. Their imagination was always so vivid, like waking dreams. It was easy to see her there on the beach before them, readying a bomb, preparing to attack. They threw their arms forward, instinct guiding them.  _ I have to protect them! _

And when they opened their eyes, a blue panel floated before them, a two-foot square of barricading light matrixed with pink.

They stared at it in shock for a few moments before it winked out of existence. Then they cheered, raising their arms and racing up and down the beach in victory. They defused into an embrace, Connie laughing with joy and nuzzling against him.

He pulled away quickly. “Hold on to that feeling!” He coached. “Try to make it again!”

She took a deep breath. It wasn’t as easy to imagine a threat alone, but it was just as easy to summon up that familiar protective feeling, especially knowing Steven was right behind her. She held up a hand, willing her gem to defend  _ him _ this time, and a flickering teal square appeared there. It didn’t last long, only a second at most before it vanished again, but she’d seen it, and that was more than enough. She squealed and raised her arms. “Gem powers! Woo!”

He cheered. “You did it! Your first gem light thing!”

“Wait, I think I can do it again!” She held out her hand again, trying to will the feeling back, but it wouldn’t come so easily. “Rrrrrgh... Come on, come back…”

“Connie.” He put a hand on her back. “It’s alright. It’s progress! You did great. But you still need rest.”

“But…” She hesitated, then nodded in acceptance. “You’re right. Of course you are. This is great!” She beamed, leaning in for a celebratory kiss. “I should be happy. I  _ am _ happy.”

She still felt the guilt inside, thinking she could do better, that she hadn’t caught up, that one moment of power wasn’t enough. But she stared it down and rejected it. 

It didn’t go away, not even a little bit. But she could ignore it and still be happy with herself. For the moment, that was enough.

“Come on. Let’s go eat. I bet we’ll have a lot to talk about.” He inclined his head towards the windows with a grin. Looking up, Connie could see their families’ faces against the glass, frozen in various stages of excitement, shock, and disbelief.

“I guess we will.” Wondering how much they’d seen and how much explaining she was going to have to do, Connie sighed, smiled, and walked back up to join them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! There we go. The darkness is finally lifting. Connie's beginning to learn to harness her powers, and more importantly, she's finally learning her own worth.
> 
> This was always the crux of this story. Connie's drive to improve is admirable, heroic even. But you can always have too much of a good thing. Connie has shown several times that her drive isn't purely based in good work ethic. A lot of it is self-doubt and a general desire to prove that she's _more_ than she appears. But her anxiety and poor self-image are poor drivers of behavior if they grow out of control. Now, I'm not claiming that Connie in the show has absolutely got these issues to the point of being a real problem. But I think she does. And I think, as much as she's helped Steven, that it would be nice if he was able to help her in return.
> 
> This obviously requires Steven to be pretty well-adjusted, probably more than he's actually going to end up being in Future, but them's the breaks.
> 
> Oh, and this was always going to include Connverse. (The chapter title is a pun, you see.) If you see me write a story with Steven and Connie in it and they're not together by the end, it's because the story is written during the period of the show where they're just growing closer but not together yet. I don't think I can see the characters not being together unless one of them dies or I make an AU specifically to keep them apart--and why the heck would I do _that?_
> 
> We're over the hump now. The finale of this story will be available Friday, October 18th. I hope you will join me for the ending.
> 
> Chapter 6: 100% Complete  
Epilogue: 20% Complete


	6. Flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie and Steven fight side by side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [GSKashmir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GSKashmir/pseuds/GSKashmir) for betaing this chapter.

“3, 2, 1, Go!” 

Peridot started them off, and Connie and Steven leapt at one another, pushing and pulling as they wrestled for advantage.

Part of her training now was regular tests of her rapidly growing abilities. Her panel was coming nearly at will now, but her armor was still finicky, and she still hadn’t managed a warp. And durability was always a chore to test. But strength?

Strength was  _ fun. _

Whether through exercise or practice or even just time, Connie was starting to feel the strength of a gem in her limbs. She didn’t tire easily, didn’t struggle to lift anything. She’d maxed out every weight training machine at the gym. All that was left to test her safely was going up against someone else strong. And that meant Steven.

She panted, grinning as they locked arms and pushed against one another, sand flying as they anchored themselves. “I’m gonna get you today. I can  _ feel _ it.”

“Me too. You’re way stronger, Connie.” He smirked right back. “But it’s not gonna be enough!” He pushed harder, forcing her onto her back foot. But as she started to bowl over, she braced herself and changed the angle, flipping him up and over. He was strong, but that didn’t make him weigh more. He flew overhead, landing with a grunt behind her on the sandy shore. 

She spun, eagerly diving for the pin. “Gotcha!”

Only to be caught, hands inches from his shoulders. “Nope!” She noticed with some satisfaction that his arms were trembling with the effort of holding her still. But she was held. And this time he wasted no time in tackling her, wrapping her up, and pinning her down to the ground.

“That’s the match!” Peridot exclaimed, jumping a little. “Steven wins, five pins to one!”

Connie groaned from beneath Steven. “I know the score, Peri, thanks.”

“Hey, you got another pin today.” He smirked down at her, face an inch from hers. “That counts for something.”

“Shut up and heal me, Biscuit.” She pushed herself up for a kiss, then leapt to her feet as he climbed off of her. The soreness from an hour of exercise was already fading.

“Do you two  _ have _ to do that every time?” Peridot said, rolling her eyes as she tapped data into her tablet.

“I might’ve had a bruise.” Connie grinned at her as she brushed sand from her hair. “Better safe than sorry. Pearl would approve.”

“I suppose. But you’re pretty brazen about it. My studies indicate that you should really be more coy, maybe draw it out over another season or two.” Peridot looked down at the data on her screen. “You’re still showing improvement, but the gains are leveling off slightly . It remains to be seen if your strength will match Steven’s, but at this point I would doubt it.”

“It took me years to build these muscles.” Steven flexed. “Give it time.”

Peridot sighed. “I do not believe that your human muscles have much to do with your strength, Steven. The cross-sectional area would have to be massively increased to see similar results in a human, far more than any being with your build could comfortably possess. It’s very possible that the pink diamond gem simply has a higher power output than most others.”

“Maybe. But Connie’s the better fighter.” Steven nudged her side.

“Clearly.” Peridot shrugged. “If it was purely a strength contest, you’d still be utterly crushing Connie instead of  _ mostly _ crushing her.”

She flushed. “Thank you, Steven. And thanks for the  _ praise _ , Peridot.”

“Yeah, sure. You’re welcome.” She waved a hand. “Now, are you ready for panel training, or do you need a moment?”

“Ah-ah-ah!” Steven shook his head. “We’re out of time, Peri-D.”

“What, already?” She pouted. “But there’s still so much data we haven’t collected! We should at least do some rudimentary work in each training sector!”

“Come on, Steven. A little more?” Connie pouted with her, giving him big sad eyes.

But Coach Steven held firm, arms crossed--though she noticed he had to look away to avoid her puppy-dog look. “You agreed to the schedule, Connie. We’ll get to it next time.”

She relented. “Alright. You’re right.” She started removing the monitoring devices Peridot had been using to measure her progress.

“Besides, we have plans! We’re meeting our parents for lunch!” He grinned.

“Oh, gosh! I completely forgot!” Connie sped up, tossing the monitors at Peridot, who scrambled to catch them with a yelp. “I gotta shower, my hair’s all dirty! I don’t want my mom to think I’m not taking care of myself!”

Steven chuckled and shook his head. “She knows you’re coming from exercise, Connie. She has your schedule too.” He packed away her sword and their water bottles. “Don’t worry about it. Besides, we don’t have time.  _ Someone _ put up too much of a fight and ate up all our get-ready time.” He smirked. “We might have to go down to best of three if you get much stronger.”

“Well, I plan to.” She sighed. “Okay. I’ll text mom, tell her we’re on our way to the boardwalk.”

“Well, I guess I’ll just monitor the ocean, then!” Peridot grumbled. “Maybe I can run tests on the seashells. Lapis would like that.”

“Sorry, Peridot. I’ll try to win a little faster next time.” Connie hefted her bag, and they headed towards town, leaving Peridot to sulk her way back to the warp pad.

“She’s really into this training, huh?” Steven remarked. 

“Well, it’s only two weeks until school starts. She’s probably already calculating how much potential data will be lost.” She groaned at the mere thought of school. “Even dropping sports now that I have an unfair advantage, it’s still going to be a nightmare trying to keep training up during my senior year.”

“Then we’ll cut back. Maybe two or three days a week instead of five.” He smiled. “You’re doing great, Connie. You don’t need to push to the limit. Besides, things are boring around here. The Diamonds are already sending out search parties for the anti-rebel fleet, and once they find it who knows how long it’ll be before something else comes up?”

“I dunno, a month or two tops?” She laughed. “It never stays boring for long in Beach City.”

“I guess that’s true.” He laughed with her, taking her hand and weaving their fingers together. “But would you really want it to?”

“Well… I like all the adventures and stuff. But I think, for once, I’d like some time to just enjoy life with you. You know. While we’re still young!” She blushed. “I’m sure we’ll have plenty of adventures in our future anyway. And we can always get our combat kicks sparring.”

“I think some time to ourselves sounds nice.”

They talked idly all the way up the beach and across the boardwalk to Fish Stew Pizza, where their parents waited.

“Hi, dad!” Steven said brightly as they arrived. “Sorry if we kept you waiting.”

Greg shrugged. “Just a few minutes, schtuball. Took them a bit to find the place. You come straight here?” 

“We ran out of time. Connie’s getting too much to handle.”

“Steven!” She said with an embarrassed smile. “Hi mom. Hi dad.” She gave them each a hug.

“Good to see you, Connie. We’ve missed you.” Her mom held on a couple of extra seconds before she let Connie sit down. “So, training still going okay?”

“Mmmhmm!” Connie smiled. “I got him once today. I’m still getting way stronger.”

“How much stronger do you need to get?” Her dad grinned. “You can already toss your old man around like a doll.”

This was true, and had been tested. He had squealed like a little girl, extremely giddy at the magic of it.

Then her parents had immediately banned her from all school sports forever. But they were trying, and she appreciated that.

“I don’t know how much more I need, but it never hurts to be a little better.” Connie realized she was staring at Steven and pulled her eyes back to her parents. She didn’t want them to think she didn’t miss them, too.

“Have you, er, managed any new spells?” Priyanka asked hesitantly. Her eyes shifted to Steven, looking if she’d asked the right question.

“They’re more like powers than spells,” he explained with a kind smile. He appreciated that they were trying, too.

Connie shook her head. “Nothing really new. I still can’t do the warp thing turquoises are supposed to. And I’ve only summoned my gem armor a couple of times by accident. I still can’t do it on command.”

“Well, I’m sure it’ll come in time. I wasn’t doing septal myotomies my first day of med school. And you’re more driven then I ever was.”

Connie blushed faintly. “Well, I’ve had a lot of help.” She smiled at her boyfriend.

Kiki approached them. “Hey Steven, hey Connie. You guys ready?”

“Pepperoni for me and dad, please!” Steven sang brightly.

“You’re makin’ my choices for me now?” Greg laughed.

“You always get the same thing!” He joked back.

“You got it, Steven. Connie?”

“I guess…” She glanced between her mom and the menu. “A salad?”

“You sure?” Kiki raised an eyebrow. “That’s not a very common order. And I wouldn’t recommend it.”

“It’s the healthiest option, though…” Connie looked sadly down the menu for anything better.

Her mom sighed. “Connie, it’s a pizza place. It’s not the end of the world if you eat something bad once in a while. Especially with how hard you’re working over here. Honestly, you probably need protein.” She looked up at Kiki. “We’ll split a supreme. No olives.”

“If you say so, Connie’s mom!” Kiki jotted it down and went back to the kitchen.

“Thanks, mom,” Connie said sheepishly.

Doug chuckled. “I think we all know who you were looking to please.” Priyanka frowned, but didn’t argue. “So. Therapy still going okay?”

Connie wasn’t sure whether she was happy he was treating it like it was nothing or embarrassed that it was coming up at all, but she plowed through either way. “Yeah. Doctor Donna’s great. She’s still taking the things I say seriously without trying to put me in a psych ward, at least. And it’s… good. Talking things out. It helps.” She smiled. “She’s recommending I try to do things for myself more often. Take time to be a person, not just a Crystal Gem. And I’m trying.”

“We’re going to play some songs she wrote on the beach tonight,” Steven said proudly. “Just the two of us.”

“We wrote them together! Don’t give me all the credit.”

“Hard to imagine you two doing anything apart these days,” Greg said with a grin. “I can barely remember the last time I saw one of you alone.”

“Well… sometimes Connie trains with someone else, especially when I’m busy. And I don’t follow her to the doctor.” Steven scratched his cheek. “But, yeah. We’ve been pretty close this summer.”

“It’s been a good summer,” Connie confirmed with a grin.

“Better enjoy it while you can.” Greg leaned back. “It’s your last summer as my little man. Two more weeks, and you’ll be my full-grown man. Eighteen already.” He sighed, bathing in the nostalgia. “Time sure has flown.”

“He’s right. Soon you’ll be… doing something, I presume.” Priyanka’s mouth turned down a tiny fraction. “Whatever your plans are.”

“Well, we’d better capture these memories while we can, huh?” Steven grinned, pulling out his phone and holding it out for a group selfie. “Everybody cuddle up!”

Their parents cuddled good-naturedly as they scooted in close, and Connie pressed herself to his side, kissing his cheek as he took the picture.

“There we go. Saved for all time.” Steven looked fondly down at the image. “Guess we really do--huh?”

The image vanished as his phone started to ring. Pearl’s name and picture popped into view, and he quickly answered. “Yello, you’ve reached the Universe. Hey, Pearl!”

“Steven!” A panicked yell came from the phone, loud enough for Connie to hear it from her seat. They both shot to their feet as an explosion on the other end threatened to blow out the speaker. “The kindergarten is under attack! It’s the gems who sent Tanzanite, they brought everyone they have! We need everyone available!”

Steven met her eyes. “Connie and I are on the way!” He turned to Greg. “Dad, I need the car!”

Greg already had the keys in hand, tossing them for Steven to catch. “I’ll find a way back to the house to pick it up. Get going!”

Connie’s parents looked at her, each of them half-panicked from the sounds they’d heard. “You’re going to fight again? Aren’t you still learning?” Doug asked fearfully.

“I…” Connie froze up. Should she? Was she ready? She was half-trained at best, still not at full strength, and until she was--

“Of  _ course  _ she’s coming!” Steven broke through her thoughts without breaking stride. He put his hands on Connie’s shoulders, grabbing her attention. “Connie, you were ready before you had a gem, and you’re sure as heck ready now! But we’ve gotta get going!”

His confidence was exactly the beacon she needed. Her eyes hardened and she nodded. “Right. Sorry, mom and dad. We’ll have to reschedule.” 

“Connie, wait!” Her mother stood up. There was a moment of indecision, and she could feel her mother bite back the urge to say something like  _ Stop  _ or  _ Stay. _ But instead she hugged Connie tight. “We love you.”

Connie held her carefully, making sure not to squeeze too hard with her new strength. “I love you too. But I gotta go.”

“I know.” She pulled away, tucking her arms in to keep herself steady as Connie pulled her sword free from her bag, slipping the the sheath onto her back.

“Go save the world, Connie.” Her dad gave her a resolute smile.

“Will do!” And She and Steven ran to the car together.

* * *

Pearl had told them where the fighting was happening before she hung up--or maybe her phone was destroyed, it was terrifyingly sudden--but they didn’t end up needing the directions. The sounds of ship cannon fire could be heard from the warp pad, rumbling through the kindergarten canyon like distant thunder. Connie and Steven took off the moment they arrived, sprinting for the battlefield. Connie thanked her gem silently for the extra stamina it provided.

Still, Steven huffed as they ran full-speed. “Wish we had Peridot. Or Lapis. Anybody who could fly.”

Connie grabbed his hand, stopping them both short as an idea occurred. “Steven. Do you trust me?”

He turned back, not questioning her for a second. “Always.”

“I have an idea. Cuddle close.” She hugged him tight, then reached down to her instincts to  _ protect us _ to will a panel into being, then moved it down low to the ground. She stepped on it with him, still holding one another as she guided him to kneel low. “Hold onto me tight. We’re gonna go fast.”

Steven’s eyes went wide as he realized what was happening. “You can do that?”

She smiled nervously. “No better time to try!” 

It hadn’t taken long for her to figure out that while she had to keep them close to her to maintain them, she could move around the panels once created. Connie thought with practice she might be able to use them like a kind of hoverboard, similar to what Peridot often did. But she wasn’t that good yet.

However, she was quite good at pushing and pulling them fast.

She let out a cry of effort as she pulled as hard as she could, the panel propelling them up into the air as they knelt. She changed the angle and pushed off even harder. “Jump!”

The panel launched them as they leapt, and together they flew high and fast. Over the canyon walls, high enough to see two small ships in the distance. Each of them fired down into the canyon while weapons and water flew back towards them. They could see Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl fighting from the ground, while Peridot, Lapis and Bismuth flew up near the ships, Bismuth hanging on to Peridot’s metal platform to get closer.

Steven wrapped her up tighter as he started to float them, slowing their falling rate while they continued to fly towards the battle.

“This is amazing!” He said, laughing with exhilaration as the wind tore at their hair. “Have you tried this before?”

“I can’t float! It was just a theory I didn’t test until now!” She was giddy from flying, but she tried to control herself. “Aim for a ship! We can take one by surprise!”

“Aim how?! Do you see something I can use to adjust?”

“Not yet!” Another light barrier appeared next to them, keeping pace as they flew, and together they pushed off of it, redirecting their flight towards one of the small craft.

“Hold on!” Steven wrapped them in a spiked bubble as they slammed into the nearest ship. It teetered off-kilter, something deep inside whining and sputtering as it fell out of the sky. The explosion rocked the two of them as it hit the ground, but the bubble kept them safe, bouncing them out of the way as they held each other tight..

“Steven! Connie!” The Crystal Gems let out cheers as they landed safely, the bubble vanishing as they hit the ground. They gathered close, and Steven raised a huge pink shield to cover them. The ship above whirred around, trying to find a good vantage to fire.

Connie took charge, letting Steven focus on the shield. “Alright. Fill us in.”

Bismuth smacked her palm. “We don’t have a clue what they’re after! At first they went for the control room and we figured they were trying to reactivate the kindergarten, but when we caught them they went straight for the injectors!”

“Activating them manually one by one would never work!” Peridot exclaimed. “They can’t be too stupid to realize that. They must be after the gem fluid inside! If they want an army without the support of the Diamonds, places like the Earth with primed but inactive injectors are their only hope of finding the raw materials!”

“Whatever they’re after, they’re attacking the Earth,” Garnet growled. “We don’t need to know why. We just need to deal with them.”

Connie’s eyes went wide as she watched a panel fly open on the downed ship. “Uh, guys? We’ve got company!”

Half a dozen quartz soldiers emerged from the little ship, weapons pulled from their gems as they approached. At the same moment, the other ship began firing again, deciding to wear the shield down instead of trying in vain at a lucky shot. “Stay… under!” Steven demanded, strain in his voice as he made the shield as wide as he could. “I’ve gotcha!”

Half of the soldiers, Jaspers, grouped up, fusing into a behemoth of a Jasper. They grabbed and pounded at the shield, fighting Steven as he tried to hold it in place. 

Pearl leered back at them. “Well! Six can play at that game, then!” Pearl, Amethyst, and Garnet nodded in tandem, dancing towards one another and fusing into Alexandrite. She launched at the huge Jasper fusion, taking the fight outside while Lapis, Peridot, Bismuth and Connie stood around Steven, protecting him and their umbrella from the ship’s fire. 

The remaining three amethysts curled up and attacked, spindashing for Steven. Peridot and Lapis worked together, and Connie and Bismuth each tracked one of their own.

Connie pulled her sword free, facing her target as it approached. She looked weak. Human. It didn’t even uncurl to engage her like the other Amethysts did, planning to just bowl her over.

And as she summoned her barrier and the spinning Amethyst struck it and stopped, the look of shock on the face of the stunned gem made every sacrifice so far completely worth it. She barely raised an arm to block as Connie cut, her sword singing as it split the Amethyst’s light form in two. It sputtered, “But… you’re just an organic,” before it poofed, the gem on its hand clattering to the ground.

“Not quite.” Connie grabbed the gem and tossed it to Steven’s feet. She hadn’t tried bubbling, and now wasn’t the time to learn. She ran to Bismuth’s aid, waylaying the distracted Amethyst with a panel-push to the side. It wasn’t strong enough to poof, but it was enough for Bismuth to easily finish the job with an massive overhead hammer strike against the off-balanced gem.

“Thanks for the assist, little lady!” Bismuth grinned as the last Amethyst fell, speared through with a jet of water from Lapis’ wings. “Looks like you got that boost you were looking for, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am!” Connie grinned, exhilarated and hyped on adrenaline. 

“Now, what did I say about calling me ma’am?” Bismuth let out a victorious laugh.

Then they both winced as a shot from the ship struck the shield, then again as the ground trembled under Alexandrite’s flail. The Jasper fusion wasn’t even close to a match, and three poofed gems fell to the barren dust. Now all that was left was the ship above.

Alexandrite stood, swapping flail for bow, and took aim. A light arrow flew straight for the last craft, piercing through and taking it down. The door opened as it crashed, but Alexandrite rushed over, roaring a blast of flame into the ship interior, poofing them before they had a chance to escape.

“Whoo!” Peridot cheered. “That should be the last of them!”

_ “Not quite.”  _ Engines roared as another ship warped down onto them. It wasn’t a light landing craft like the others. This one had powerful weapons and armor, closer in design to the Sun Incinerator than the pod-like ships they’d destroyed.

Connie recognized the voice right away. “That’s the voice that was broadcasting before the first attack! She must be the leader!”

A holographic screen projected from the bow of the ship, displaying an Emerald and a Hessonite at her side, neither of them gems that they had seen before. The Emerald had her gem set in her forehead, with markings around it similar to a crown. She certainly held herself with a queenly demeanor as she spoke.  _ “Well. We came for the injector material, but as far as a prize goes, ridding the galaxy of Steven Universe will do. I don’t suppose you can be convinced to defect from your own side? Return to the jobs that we gems were made for?” _

Connie growled. “Weren’t you  _ made _ to follow your Diamonds? Because if you haven’t heard, Steven’s one of them, and the others are right with him!”

_ “The Diamonds had a purpose too. Just because they’ve forgotten it doesn’t mean I should do the same. What was  _ your  _ purpose, little…”  _ Emerald trailed off.  _ “What  _ is _ that gem?” _

Hessonite spoke gruffly.  _ “I believe that is the human pet ‘Connie’, your Clarity.” _

“Pet?” Connie grinned up through the shield. “I’d be happy to prove otherwise if you want to come down and test me!”

Emerald's eyes narrowed.  _ “Well. An aimless organic can’t possibly understand the elegant machine of perfect purpose that was the Gem Empire. Fortunately, you won’t live to make the attempt.” _

And with that, the ship’s main cannon fired.

The blast rattled the ground, and before they could recover, the fire continued from all weapons. Steven gasped with effort as his shield was riddled with attacks.

And for the first time they’d ever seen, Alexandrite was pierced and poofed, four gems clattering to the ground.

“No!” Steven cried. “Get them! Keep them safe!”

Lapis was on it, her wings flaring as she flew out towards them, dodging light cannon fire as she weaved to pick up the four gems and bring them back beneath the shield.

Bismuth looked down at her fallen comrades and grimaced. “What do we do? We can’t get close to a ship with that much firepower, and we just lost our heaviest hitter!”

An idea sprung into Connie’s head. “You can’t. But we can. Get them to safety and call for help if you can. I have a plan, but we need Stevonnie and that means dropping the shield.”

“You want to fight that thing  _ alone? _ ” Lapis balked. “It’s too dangerous! You and Steven could get killed!”

“You’re still learning!” Peridot added at Connie. “You’ll get squashed!”

“There’s no time to fight about it!” Steven panted. “I can’t hold this forever!”

“Girls, if they say they got it, then we trust them.” Bismuth put a hand on Lapis and Peridot. “Let’s go!”

Peridot’s face screwed up. “Rrrrgh… Fine! If you’re going to attack, go for the power core! Their shields will be down while they’re in an atmosphere. It should be near the top of a ship of that class, a long cylinder a few meters long on the hull! And whatever you do, don’t let them get into space!” She levitated on her little platform, and Bismuth grabbed ahold.

“Keep each other safe,” Lapis begged. Then the three of them dashed away, getting their friends to safety.

Once they were around a bend in the canyon, Connie held out a hand to Steven. “Fuse with me?”

He gave her a tired smile. “Of course.”

She hugged him tight and kissed him deeply. Their bodies became light, then became one.

Stevonnie wasted no time, wrapping themself in a bubble and preparing a panel beneath. They rolled onto it and waited. As the ship fired again, throwing up a cloud of dust, they launched.

Hidden by the cloud, they rose into the air and threw up another wall to redirect. Just as they approached, they dropped the bubble, fluttering their legs to land softly on the hull. “Alright, alright, long cylinder. See anything?” They asked themself. “I don’t… there!” Near the back, they spotted it. They sprinted, wobbling a little as the ship moved about.

They could hear Emerald’s shouts from the speaker.  _ “Where are they, 6NW? There should be a gem, or at least shards!” _

A Peridot replied faintly.  _ “There’s nothing down there! Only our own soldiers!” _

_ “Then widen the search! They couldn’t have just warped out!” _

“Crap crap crap!” They pulled their sword, and with a strength they hadn’t possessed before drove it deep into the power core of the ship.

_ “Your clarity! We are losing power!”  _ They were rewarded by a screech from 6NW, and with a grin they started stabbing and slashing, cutting through the hull like paper.  _ “The power core is failing! I’m showing breaches in the main drive! Engines, weapons, everything is going off--” _

The speaker cut out as a burst of hot gas erupted from the holes they’d carved in the hull. Stevonnie coughed, backing away. “Wow. We’re really strong, huh? Like, even more than before!” They laughed, but it was cut short as the ship started to skew, engines screaming as they failed. “Wuh-oh. Alright, time to disembark!” They ran as the ship tilted, making a flying leap to float down as the ship crashed on the edge of the canyon.

“How many do you think are in there?” Stevonnie asked nervously. “The Sun Incinerator ran with five crewmates, right? Well, maybe six if you count the Rutile Twins twice, but they shared a job, so…” They chewed their lip, waiting for the rear door to open.

And open it did, revealing an incredibly vexed Emerald and her Hessonite. Emerald barked back into the ship. “Get that power core online or I will personally toss the dust of your gems into the nearest sun myself!” They stepped out, and the door closed behind them. “You know, Steven--”

“It’s Stevonnie,” they interrupted.

“Riiiiight.” Emerald frowned. “If there’s anything that your Crystal Gems got right, it’s cross-gem fusion. There are definitely many, many upsides that we should’ve considered. In the new empire, it will have to be accounted for.”

She held out a hand to her Hessonite, and the two of them clasped together, twirling in a mechanical dance. Stevonnie gasped, realizing the implication and darting forward, but the gems were too close, and they began to fuse before Stevonnie could get close enough. 

They grit their teeth as the fusion resolved into a ten-foot, light-green form. No extra limbs, but the eyes of both gems were present. A fluttering jade cape on her back caught the wind, as did her long gold hair.

“We’ve named this fusion Green Apatite.” She drew a long, strangely thick saber from the Hessonite gem on their chest. “And I will offer no surrender.”

_ Are we ready for this? _ Connie thought within them.

They brought up their shield.  _ Of course we are,  _ Steven replied.  _ We’re together. _

Apatite blurred as she dashed in, and Stevonnie raised their shield to block. It was like blocking a mountain, sending them skidding back in the dust.  _ Hessonite is fast. Emerald is strong. So she’s both! _ On instinct they attacked, but their blow was parried lightning fast, and the saber stole past their shield. They turned with it, letting the sword cut just a little along their side. It was glowing hot, and they bit back a cry from the pain of it.

Stevonnie argued with themself.  _ We could’ve used the panel! _

But their Connie half had an answer.  _ No. They don’t know everything we can do, and they think they do! We only get one chance to surprise them. We’ve got to make it count! _

_ Alright. I trust you. _ Stevonnie licked their thumb with the sword hand, keeping the shield up as they healed the cauterized cut. They had to block a couple of blows as it healed, but they managed, and they were back to full strength again.

“I have to ask about your new appearance,” Green Apatite said as she blurred and stood a few feet back. “That organic isn’t corrupting you, is it? It wouldn’t be surprising that such a repulsive fusion would have negative side effects.”

Stevonnie’s temper flared. “Don’t talk about Connie like that,” they snarled. “Don’t talk about  _ me _ like that. You don’t know anything about fusion! We’re stronger than you could ever be!”

“Interesting theory. However, counterpoint....” She pointed the saber at them. It had started to glow as they fought, and now the light rose to a searing fury. On instinct, Stevonnie raised everything: Steven’s shield and bubble, the Diamond shield, even their arms. The blinding beam shattered it all, and Stevonnie screamed as it struck them full in the chest. They sailed back, tumbling over the terrain.

Stevonnie groaned. They’d taken a beating from the landing, but seemed otherwise okay. They felt like a bone should be broken or something. Hadn’t they taken a direct hit?

They looked down at themself and squealed with glee. From head to toe, they were encased in a suit of hard-light armor, pink with rounded edges like layers of Steven’s shield. The front had cracked and was smoking with energy, but it had held at the last moment, taking a shot that would almost certainly have killed them.

_ We did it! Armor! And it’s so cool! _ They sprung to their feet and raced towards Apatite.  _ She won’t expect us to have survived! Which is super morbid, but tactically great for us! _

Apatite hadn’t lowered her guard, but she was incredibly surprised as Stevonnie leapt out of the cloud, tossing a shield before coming down with an earthshaking overhead strike. She managed to block both, eyes wide. “What is this?”

“Love!” They proclaimed, slashing down again and forcing her to dash back.

_ Did we  _ both  _ have the same cheesy reply? Gosh, we’re perfect together. _

Apatite glowered. “I don’t care what tricks you have. You’re still held back by your organic shell.”

_ She’s fast. We’re going to need to do something special to get in a hit. _ Stevonnie took a moment, replying while their mind worked. “I don’t feel very held back.”

Apatite bared her teeth, taking a step forward. “Then allow me to demonstrate!” Another step and she was a blur again, the saber lashing a dozen times in a second, wild and unpredictable. Stevonnie formed a second shield over their sword arm and tried to block them all, but two strikes made it through, cracking and breaking the armor on their legs. They retaliated, slashing across the blur of Apatite’s movements, but she was gone and the sword only sliced air.

_ We’re still okay. She’s getting distracted! We can use this! I have an idea. Trust me. _

_ Always. _

“What were you demonstrating?” Stevonnie said with a smirk. “How fast you can miss, or how strong my armor of love is?”

They expected her to make a reckless dash at them and she obliged gladly, sneering as she aimed for their legs, the one part of them now unprotected. They tossed a shield as a distraction, and an invisible strike sent it flying.

But the point wasn’t the shield. The point was the panel that appeared underfoot just as she reached them.

Apatite stumbled over the sudden obstruction, the blur of movement resolving into her shocked figure as she began to fall. Strevonnie raised their sword to cut down her falling enemy, but Apatite made a last-ditch effort and knocked it away with a wild strike. It flew high and far.

Stevonnie felt torn for an instant as Connie’s instincts screamed to follow. But Connie was more than just a sword now. They held firm.

“Neat trick. You hid a turquoise in that fusion.” Apatite grinned viciously, pointing the glowing barrel of the saber at the crack in their chest plate from her spot on the ground. “Before you shatter, I’ll admit that you’re clever. You just can’t measure up to a gem as old and strong as me.” Her other hand was tight around their ankle, holding them in an iron grip. No way to run. No weapon to attack with. 

_ But hey, look. Another sword. _

Stevonnie snapped out a kick with their free foot, knocking the fusion’s saber from her grasp and snatching it from the air by its burning blade. They thrust it down towards her midriff, their hands cut and burned as they pinned her to the ground.

Apatite had no words. She stared down in shock at her own weapon within her, her mouth falling open.

Then the beam went off, and Stevonnie was blown away.

This time they recovered as they were thrown, battered and bruised but without any injuries worse than their hands. “Ow ow ow…” They muttered. They watched the dust cloud the explosion had raised as they floated to the ground. But once it was gone, so was Green Apatite. The Hessonite and Emerald gems lay together on the ground.

Stevonnie let out a long sigh of relief before kissing their hands back to health. They couldn’t rest yet. There was a lot of cleaning up to do.

* * *

Nearly two dozen gems were bubbled and sent home before Stevonnie was finally free to defuse into two exhausted teens. Connie and Steven leaned on one another as they walked down the canyon towards the warp home.

“Y’know, it’s odd that we’re so tired when we’re still so strong,” Connie said idly. “Stamina as a hybrid is weeeeeird.” She drew the last word into a yawn.

“Well, I was never anything else. Didn’t really think about it.” He glanced away, a mildly curious look hidden beneath his tired eyes.

“Mmm.” She hugged him with the arm around his waist. “You okay?”

“Just a little sore and a lot tired. You?”

“I’m spectacular.” Worn as she was, she glowed with pride. Maybe the Stevonnie from before could’ve handled Apatite on her own. Maybe not. But Connie had made a difference. She’d been an equal. A gem.

It was all she’d ever wanted.

They warped back to Little Homeworld to head off any potential reinforcements and found a crowd gathered to greet them. Lapis and Peridot leapt upon them the moment they arrived, hugging them in a big pile.

“You’re okay!” Lapis cried. “We were worried sick!”

“Yeah, you clods!” Peridot sobbed. “How dare you send us away for valid tactical reasons when we were so worried for you?!”

Bismuth came up behind them and wrapped up all four of them, lifting the whole group off their feet. “I knew you had it, kids! You wanna give a play-by-play?”

Steven and Connie were wobbly on their feet as they all separated. “Not right now, Bismuth,” Steven replied somberly. “Are the others okay?”

She nodded. “Not a crack or chip on any of them. They got lucky with that blast hitting their legs. I guess they still know how to keep their gems safe. They’re sitting at your house right now.”

Connie let out a breath, and she felt Steven do the same beside her. “Then everything’s fine.” They let themselves smile.

Then Steven grabbed her and shook her. “Oh my gosh you were so amazing!”

She laughed. “Steven! Cut it out!”

“The jumpy boost thing! It’s such a good idea! And when we used your panel to trip Apatite, and you  _ stole their sword  _ to beat them! I didn’t have input on that! I was just letting you drive! I didn’t even know you  _ could _ steal a gem’s weapon!”

Bismuth smirked as Connie got redder and redder. “I’m definitely wantin’ that play-by-play more by the second.”

Connie giggled nervously, overwhelmed with praise. “It sounds like Steven isn’t going to be able to shut up about it.”

“No, no. I’m fine.” He took a breath, steadying himself. “I just… I just think you’re great. And I said it. Did I say I loved you? Because I love you and you’re great.”

“Yes. You said all that, you dork.” She kissed his cheek. “I love you too.”

Peridot cleared her throat, backing away as she tried to pretend she hadn’t been crying two seconds ago.. “Y-you know, Connie, this  _ does  _ bring up a completely overlooked sector of your training. We should really be testing how Stevonnie has changed as well. It’ll be difficult, what with the lack of control data, but I think the investment of effort will be worth it!”

Lapis laughed. “Give her some air, Peridot. You’re gonna drown them. Connie probably doesn’t wanna go be your experiment after saving our butts.”

Deep in the back of her mind, Connie felt a stab of guilt at the thought of refusing, of wasting a moment of potential growth. She still wasn’t as strong as Steven. There was more to learn, more to do. It grew, started to encroach on her thoughts. 

She took a deep breath and blew the guilt away. 

She  _ needed  _ moments of peace and calm and love. These moments were essential. She would wither without them like a flower in shadow. She’d learned that now.

More than that, they were the whole  _ point _ . If she never stopped working, then when would she ever enjoy what she’d worked for?

Connie shook her head. “I’d really like to, Peridot. But I’m just swamped today. I’ve got a dinner date to get to, and we really need a nap before that, and then music on the beach after… I think training will have to wait this time.” She smiled and ruffled Peridot’s hair. “We’ll get back to it tomorrow, promise.”

Peridot grimaced and tried to fluff her hair back into shape. “Oh, come on. You’re not curious? You don’t want just a little bit more time to improve? You love fusing!”

“I want a lot of things.” Connie smiled. “But right now, I want to rest and appreciate my time with Steven more than anything.”

Bismuth put a hand on Connie’s shoulder and chuckled. “We’ll keep an eye on their gems until they reform. Go on, live a little. Enjoy your time together.”

She took Steven’s hand and squeezed it tight. “We will.”

And they did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's finally all caught up.
> 
> The epilogue is available now.


	7. Epilogue: All Caught Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connie reflects on the future with her friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [GSKashmir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GSKashmir/pseuds/GSKashmir) for betaing this chapter.

Connie sat on the beach outside of her soon-to-be former summer home, watching the seagulls bother tourists in the surf. Kids were playing, enjoying their last days of freedom. She should really be doing the same, but it felt so bittersweet. And no one was around right now. It was just her, alone with her thoughts.

Connie was thinking about life, and the end of it. This morning she’d learned that one of her favorite teachers at school, a very kind and very old gentleman, wasn’t going to be there next year. He’d suffered a stroke in the night, and… that was all. For a man his age, it was too much to survive. He’d passed at a hospital a few nights back. His name had been Walter Fredericks, and she was going to miss him.

Connie didn’t blame herself, not really. Steven’s healing, the waters of Rose’s fountain, neither could fix everything. Her knowing wouldn’t have restored his youth, even if it would have bought him a little more time. But a death so close to her had set her down paths of thinking that she wasn’t comfortable treading. She was thinking about the world, and all the people in it. How it was full of children like the ones playing out there in the surf, and how she really would like to have a few kids of her own someday. And how it would be really, truly terrible to watch them age and die, just like every other person on this beach would. Just like every other person in the world would.

Except for her and Steven.

It was starting to get to her. It was too big a thought to fit in her head, and she was starting to obsess. She could feel herself struggling with the weight of it, like it was a problem she should pull out her notebook and start solving. She was supposed to be watching out for that sort of thinking. 

So instead of breaking out her notebook, she broke out her phone and called Steven. He answered quickly. “Hey,” she said softly. “Sorry. I just needed to vent a little. Is that okay?”

“I have time. I’m not needed here, anyway. The Diamonds just want me around because they have a sorta-okayish reason to ask for me. Emerald isn’t going to spill details just because I’m here.” He paused. “Is something wrong?”

“Not wrong, exactly.” Her eyes caught on someone’s kid, crying from a scraped knee or a cut or something. She thought about infection. About injury. About dying. “Steven… I know this is enough. That _ we’re _ enough, together.” She slowly raised a hand to her gem, absently running her fingers over it. “But do you ever wish we could do more? Help more people?”

He was quiet for a few seconds. “I think you should wait for me to come home,” he answered. “This feels like an in-person talk.”

She nodded to herself. “How long until you can be here?”

“For you? Say the word.”

She giggled. “The word.”

“I’m on my way. Gimme two minutes to leave with…” He let out a groan. “‘Tact and grace befitting my station’ and I’ll be right there.”

“I’ll meet you at the pad.” She smiled and stood up, bidding the seagulls farewell as she headed up the stairs.

* * *

It took a little bit more than two minutes for Steven to finally extract himself from the Diamonds’ presence, and a few hours for them to assemble the Crystal Gems. It was pleasant. Just her and Steven, running around and trying to find everyone she wanted there when she talked about these thoughts she was having. Everyone she wanted to say goodbye to, before she returned to school and work and never enough time with her friends who were becoming more than just friends every day.

She’d wanted to spend the day at the beach. But spending it with Steven was better.

It was evening by the time they’d convened together, back on the beach where she wanted to be. Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst listened to Steven strum his father’s old guitar while Bismuth watched Lapis and Peridot weave metal and water in a lovely display and Greg busied himself cooking something smoky and meaty for dinner. Connie gathered her thoughts, and when she spoke, everyone stopped to listen.

“I’ve had such a good summer,” she said with a smile. “I fought. I learned. I grew. I grew so much more than I ever did before. And I feel a little selfish, because it’s just me.” She sighed, looking towards the boardwalk, emptied as the last sun of summer began to set. “There’s so many people in the world. People getting sick, getting old, people dying. And I know I’m not _ immortal. _ Eventually I’ll end, even if it’s just because the stars are all dying. But I could have so much more time than they will. And it’s only because I met Steven and then met all of you. Because I’m lucky enough to know gems.”

“It’s not just luck, Connie.” Pearl looked upon her student fondly. “You’re a paragon of your species. Not just any human friend of Steven’s would have risked what you did, or took on the sacrifices and struggles you chose to. You can be proud of yourself for that.”

Connie smiled back at her. “Thank you, ma’am. But I don’t think life is something that should need earning. Everyone should have access, if they can. And I wish… I just wish that people could choose this.” Her turquoise was visible in her summer dress, and she looked down at it. “Maybe it’s naive, but I think the world would be better if there were more people like me and Steven.”

There was a subtle tension in the silence that followed, everyone thinking about the idea and all the implications of it.

“I don’t think many existing gems would be willing to do as Rose did, to end their lives for another,” Garnet said quietly. “Maybe some have tired of existence, but not many. And making new gems still harms life. Making one was barely acceptable for your sake. We could never allow full production to resume.”

“But there has to be a reason for that life drain,” Connie mused. “Maybe if we could figure out more about why gems are made, we could invent a new method. See if there’s a way to do it that doesn’t harm life. Or at least, doesn’t do it in a way that kills everything and strips worlds bare.” She shivered a little, remembering the barren wastes of the kindergarten, how far the bleak dead earth had stretched from the top of the canyon walls. “Humans used to think we needed meat, but we’ve learned more now. We know how to use substitutes. Maybe gems could too.”

“But we barely know what you and Ste-man _ are _,” Amethyst butted in. “What if there’s some random junk in you that seems good right now but that’ll make all the other humans super upset?”

“That’s… a better argument against it.” Connie sighed, her shoulders dropping. “We know so little about what we really are.”

Steven squeezed her hand. “Everything is new and exciting. I get how you feel about wanting to spread it. You’ve always been closer to humans than I am. I bet you have friends and family you think about a lot.”

“...Less friends than you might expect,” she admitted after a moment. “But lots of family. People I wish I could help.”

“I’ll help!” Peridot piped up. “If you need to know what the heck you are, then I will spare no effort to learn with you! I’ll run as many tests as necessary!”

There was a general laugh at her enthusiasm, and Lapis hugged her close. “I don’t think you need to tell them that, Peri.” Lapis smirked.

Peridot flushed. “Well, it’s true. I have at _ least _fifteen experiments to carry out.”

Connie nodded as she giggled. “I think I’ll take that up eventually, Peridot. Steven might have been ready to just roll with the punches when it came to being a gem hybrid, but I’ve never seen anything that a little scientific rigor couldn’t improve.” 

Peridot sighed gratefully. “_ Yes! _ This is why we’re friends, Connie.”

“You admitted it!” Connie beamed. “You admitted we’re friends!”

“Well… I guess.” Peridot grumbled with a tiny smile.

Greg brought her and Steven hot dogs, decorated just the way they liked them. “Listen, Connie. I know you’ve got a lot on your mind, but human beings have been truckin’ along pretty well for the last few thousand years. Even if you want to try and help, you don’t need to help right away. Live at your own pace. You’re a kid! You’re allowed to be a kid before you try to save the world. And you’re already way over your lifetime quota for world-saving anyway. I think that earns you an extra year or two of kidditude before anybody expects you to be an adult.”

Connie smiled as she took her hot dog form him, but there was something very slightly pained in it. “I guess I should listen to you. Since, you know, you’re the only real human here.”

“Hey, there. You and Steven still look pretty human to me.” He smiled. “As far as I’m concerned, you’re still on team Human Beings. A stud in your shoulder isn’t gonna change that.”

“It’s more than just a stud.” She shook her head.

“Well, _ you’re _ more than just a gem, too.” He sat down next to her, his own hot dog in hand. “A lot of being a person is how you grow up. Your family. And maybe Steven leans a little more gem because of his family, but you’re pure human through and through.”

Connie blushed. “Thanks, Mr. Universe. But, you know, if family makes you who you are, I think I’ve got more than just a turquoise to make me a gem.”

She heard Pearl squeal quietly behind her.

“So, what are you gonna do, Connie?” Steven asked her.

“I think… I’m gonna let it go for now.” She sighed. “It would be more noble to go charge ahead, try to unify gems and humans and put an end to age and disease before I finish high school. But it doesn’t seem very smart to try. I should probably focus on chemistry or something. I’ve got time. Plenty of time.”

“Good.” Steven smiled proudly at her. “I think that’s the right decision right now.”

“I know it is.” She leaned on him, and he leaned back on her. “I should take a year to be me. Just try to be normal human Connie.”

Pearl let out a snort, then a laugh, and Connie and Steven turned to look at her. “I’m sorry, Connie. It’s not a bad decision. It’s just, you know. You spent so much time and effort on getting a gem, changed your appearance and your future, and now you’re ready to go try and be as human as you can again?” Pearl chuckled. “Forgive me. It’s just a little ridiculous.”

Connie smiled sheepishly, but she pushed on. “Well, maybe that’s why it’s important. I’m gonna have all of forever with my Diamond boyfriend and my gem and the world to protect and maybe to change.” She kissed Steven on the cheek, then pushed herself to her feet and faced the sea. “But I’ve only got a year or so left of being a boring human teenager! I should really just look forward to turning seventeen and, I don’t know, see movies and laugh at stupid things and not have to work or decide things. Go on dates and stay out too late and not think enough about the consequences of my actions.” She took a bite out of her fatty, unhealthy hot dog, and it tasted like victory.

“You’ve got a lot of plans,” Steven said with a grin as he stood beside her. “Gonna be hard to keep up with. Think you could take it slow?”

“Nah.” She grinned back. “I’ve got a lot to do in a year, and I'm gonna have to move fast. You’d better start catching up.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank my partner [Hadithi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hadithi/pseuds/Hadithi) for everything she's done for me. If I were a perfectly honest man, I'd put her as a co-creator on every chapter, even future ones. She is the light of my life. She's also an excellent author, and you should go look at her work.
> 
> This story was my first attempt at public writing in a very long time. It's not perfect, but I like it. I hope you did too, reader. I hope you found something to resonate with in Connie's struggles, and that you enjoyed her successes just as much.
> 
> I don't intend to stop here. I'm going to do a lot of short-form work with Turquoise!Connie in the future, probably in the form of an omake collection, maybe with some stories that are a little in-depth but not quite a full work. I've put in too much work to just let this story go so easily. And I hope some of you, at least, will come along with me. I'm working on a true sequel with an overarching narrative, but it's still being outlined at the moment. I want that one to be a worthy successor to this, and it will get into topics of humanity, transhumanism, and changing the world a lot more than this story did. If either cute stories of hybrid Connie or those future efforts interest you, they'll be part of the Hybridization series as well. You can go ahead and click whatever button is necessary to track that if you want to read along.
> 
> If you came this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know this isn't a very prestigious or powerful story. It's not complex or deep. But I hope you had fun. I hope you saw something worth sticking with. And I hope to see you again soon.


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